- We made a bunch of new conferences, and got rid of all the other schools, you are welcome.   - This is a lot of work, so we brought in two (2) NEW guest conference commissioners.  - Because we had company, the episode suffers a massive audio failure halfway through.  - A new musical instrument joins the show!

We answer YOUR questions at* SEC Media Days!  *Surber’s in Hoover, it counts!  Invented in this episode: ARBY’S CHURCH!  Also invented in this episode: JEANS OLYMPICS!  A Ginuwine-themed detour that is NOT about Pony!  We celebrate the Fullcat’s birthday!  A harrowing tale from our first online store that was NOT our fault! Sorry, Carol!  A Sisqo story from 2017!  Mark Stoops Take Us To A Steakhouse Challenge!  Please rate and review our college football podcast  

It's our Fast Saga episode, and you know what that means: Ryan and Surber have finally seen all the movies. And you know what THAT means: This is war. Brother against brother. Family against family. John Cena on a ten-minute zipline is observed. Canon is established. Jason Statham is still not welcome at the cookout #Justice4Han #notmyJasonIntroducing Middle South Airlines! Look, just go with it.Also introducing the Fullcast store! Visit preownedairboats.com for all your worldly needs.

However too long you think the discussion of the plot of the 2012 movie “Battleship” based on the game by Hasbro might be, please know that we spared you from at least 20 additional minutes of arguing over itNEW INVENTIONS OCCURRING IN THIS EPISODE: a system of criminal justice based entirely in Costco, yet another cryptocurrency, and a Methodists-only form of martial artsThis is also the SEC MEDIA DAYS PREVIEW episode; now let’s all welcome Nick Saban to the stage with an accordion flash mobWithout Jeremy Pruitt there to prop up the side, which SEC head coach is likeliest to pull out a pair of nunchucks during a nationally televised game?We accept full responsibility for Eric Adams’ victory in the New York mayoral primary. Sorry??

We asked for bold predictions for the upcoming college football season, and you answered with hammers. So stunned were we by the certainty of these prophecies that we ended up doing several things we’re not used to in this episode, like “talking about college football“ and “carefully parsing Arkansas‘s schedule”. Also, Spencer has mixed up NIL and NLI so many times that we’re all starting to do it too. Sorry!!

--We discuss the NCAA getting shut out in the national title game of legal cases --No really, it's hilarious, they got destroyed --Worse, they asked to be destroyed, thinking they would win! --And it only cost them $75 million to lose every case! --THEY MADE BRETT KAVANAUGH SUGGEST A UNION --Some light discussion of whether Captain America brought oral sex to the United States --A review of the Daddingest Things --Jason begins a ten year campaign to convince his wife to live in a van --Spencer gets bigtimed by his own father on Father's Day --Holly suggests a cable channel of comfort movies only aired during sports for psychological comfort 

 - It’s a time of great upheaval and change in our fair sport, and we responded the best way we know how: By talking for half an hour about the nerve center, the beating heart of the game. That’s right: It’s the New York City mayoral race. Please rate and review our college football podcast.  - who is VANILLA PRIME??

 - It’s Ryan’s birthday and we got him a new nickname!  - The rest of the episode is devoted to YOUR spiciest space takes!  - Introducing the Mojo Grill Fugue, the hot new psychological state that’s sweeping the greater Tampa area!  - Tell Arizona Iced Tea to sponsor our podcast! Or Tang! The drink of astronauts! We would love a Cheerwine, thanks for asking!  - TELL THEM.  - #KeepMarsMoist

State mottos, ranked, PLUS:Spencer is convinced there is a “weird way“ to take off a shirtRyan wears a tank top!Which beloved Louis Sachar character is revealed to be Jason?Holly makes herself sick during the show in an entirely new way How to sneak into Australia with an American passport 

If you are attending somebody’s fourth wedding or higher, that person’s family fucked up!When is the optimal time on a wedding day to fight the clergy?If your wedding is written up in the New York Post, you fucked up!Why cargo shorts are the ideal wedding attireWhich former Fullcast guest turned the Designing Women house into a Superfund site?When to confess your love for the bride or groom and then join the Marines!

Topics of note this week include: 1. The Pac-12 turns itself into an enormous casino 2. What the exact age you became a person was 3. How many hours precisely one can spend in Las Vegas before the sadness sets in 4. Which team should actually get to play home games in The Rose Bowl 5. Nick Saban wants skinnier hosses

 - This week, we rank college football powers and would-be powers by potential endorsement deals via each school’s most famous booster!  - Spencer is almost positive he knows the difference between NLI and NIL, but that knowledge is definitely not apparent in this episode!  - Did you know it’s legal to shoot down hot-air balloons in Kansas on one day each year?

 - Previously! On the Shutdown Fullcast! No small amount of time is spent reviewing last week’s episode!  - Spencer refuses to bring back Prince! Shame on him!  - Some innovative new draft language, measured in food-pounds, is explored

Trevor Lawrence! Rondale Moore! Najee Harris! Mac Jones?? PLUS: How the Thong Song exemplifies Sisqo’s personal duel with the Lord!

 - Ryan has a very cool solution for Spencer’s “I owe the internet video of me drinking 300 beers” that Spencer just barrels past  - A #TwoAmericas law enforcement story introduces God’s secret archangel, Cajun Damon   - A goodish number of wildlife updates   - Hey, the Charity Bowl’s over, we have a lot of people to thank and are going to forget at least half of them. We’re very tired! You did this to us!

Michigan won the charity bowl, again, and Spencer and Holly bring Randy and Jason Sklar on to discuss important Wolverine matters. Because this is the Fullcast, this turns out to mean “the episode is mostly about Grey’s Anatomy.”

 - There is no describing this episode. Look, just play it. You’ll get there.   - Alternate title was going to be THE TICK WAR EPISODE  - The LEAST upsetting voice in this episode is Spencer’s Joe Paterno, if that tells you anything  - In a shocking revelation, at least one member of this podcast thinks it used to be “too easy to obtain dynamite in this country”!

When you think about it, we’re all just running downhill for Jesus Second Easter of quarantine, reviewed (bad!)Presidents’ Days of the future, improvedRyan invites the ire of nautical cocaine traffickers worldwide, for business purposes 

• How much y’all reckon it would cost to just buy a football program outright? • Short on new can’t-miss business ideas this week, but almost positive we’re the first media outlet to suggest militarizing rodeo clowns • Who are you, “officer," to tell us we “cannot” jetski through the Suez Canal • Ryan invents a game that reveals just how easy Spencer would be to steal from • There are manatee noises! It’s not cute!!

Jason, Spencer, Holly, and Ryan break down early-round action in the 2021 NCAA men’s and women’s basketball tournaments. Like and subscribe to our college football podcast.

Please welcome Skylab Carl, Tequila Derek, and Judge CatfishWhich tiger-affiliated school is the least equipped to handle rapidly moving water?Spencer fights against the strictures of both biology and physics, againThrill to Ryan’s tale of Florida’s sovereign sinkhole!A robust debate: What is the perfect size of bird to fight?

Imagining the world’s first gig economy coal mine!See beautiful Hispaniola, by crate!Spencer operates the annual coaching carousel quiz and it turns out Wakeyleaks has leaked entirely out of our skulls SOME SORT OF BUTCH JONES WORMHOLE OCCURS 

 - Hey y’all, Les Miles got fired in the middle of this show, and we pivoted about as adeptly as you might expect.   - Which American fast food chain serves a CHICKEN SANDWICH AS A SIDE ITEM AT BREAKFAST, but NOT IN AMERICA?  - What color y’all reckon Prince Philip’s blood is?

You’re probably not going to play professional football, so how should you decide where to attend college? Our academic survey can tell you! The “Which school has the most convenient parking" answers won’t surprise you; the “Which school has the best food" answers definitely will!Also covered: The crucial categories of “waterslide availability" and “places to take a nap in public"Eat shit, US News & World ReportThe University of Texas’s clutch of Panera-level fascist boosters don’t deserve a good-faith argument, and you shouldn’t give them one!A Charity Bowl challenge is issued!

Stop asking us if it’s Blood Week every time a ranked team loses, you’ll know when it’s Blood Week, this applies to FCS ball too Holy shit that was an amazingly bloody Blood Week of FCS ball even by our own hemoglobin-happy standards Spencer is trying to get us into F1Why have none of y’all ever informed us that “international go-karting” was an available career optionDoes anybody know how to determine if we have any remaining international go-karting eligibility