This week Jason and I are joined by new SB Nation recruit Richard Johnson for what is mostly an hour plus of commiseration over the following: --The immense hole in our hearts the departure of Les Miles has left, and who can attempt to fill it but fail --Who will end up taking the LSU job, and why they won't be as cool as Les Miles, even though they might be a better coach and win more games and stuff, but won't have interesting press conferences or make GIFs of himself Dikembe-blocking his daughter's jump-shot --WHY DID YOU FIRE LES MILES okay we know, we know, but we're still going to yell about it because our hearts hurt --Richard and I mumble about Florida being trash for a minute --Wisconsin seems mean, that's something we talk about for a second or two --The only really joyous discussion in this whole podcast comes around the 52 minute mark when we discuss Chad Kelly's bliss at getting the opportunity to throw the ball downfield with zero regard for what's waiting for it when it lands. --Oh look, Mark Richt's ranked ahead of Georgia --Look, we're just going to admit that we've all watched Washington at least twice now and can't figure out why people keep ranking them --WAIT IS ARIZONA STATE GOOD, THIS IS NOW A SITUATION AND WE HAVE TO START TALKING ABOUT IT --A salute to Jabrill Peppers of Michigan to make a business decision and not get trucked by Penn State's giant kicker Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Did we need to drop a 15 minute express SPITECAST for Florida/Tennessee? No, but if we told you we got Holly Anderson for it? THEN IT BECAME ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. Holly and Spencer talk about the essentials of the rivalry, which is now basically about fear and a mutual hatred of what this has turned us into after 15 years of enforced mutual hatred. WE ARE MONSTERS. BORED, HATEFUL MONSTERS. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The theme for week four -- which we decided after an arduous twenty seconds of thought --- is that there is nothing but pain in every direction, and that every team playing this weekend can only lose. There are no victories to be had, and only losses of varying degree. Topics explaining this bold thesis! --Oregon playing Colorado, a team they can't beat by enough point to feel good about after a shaky loss to Nebraska --The entire SEC West playing games where someone will lose badly and edge closer to total disaster, and another team will kick the aforementioned team into a canyon --Amazing Gus Malzahn facts that should horrify even a non-Auburn fan! --A vicious hypothetical spin around the SEC coaching carousel that ends with Hugh Freeze at Auburn! We did it, and it didn't even take the introduction of natural disasters or anything like that into the storyline --BYU and West Virginia are playing a football game at FedEx Field. Why? Whyyyyyyy? --A real inquiry into whether Vanderbilt needs to have a football coach or not --USC has already replaced its quarterback, which is a great thing going into a game against Utah on the road. We hope Max Browne transfers, and in the meantime enjoys his stay at USC as irresponsibly as possible. --Why Florida is the Atlanta airport of college quarterbacks --A despondent preview of the Florida/Tennessee game, so: the usual Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Week three is full of extremely random but extremely good games, so most of this podcast is actually taken up by football talk. Like, at least 51% of the podcast, a new record for the Shutdown Fullcast. TOPICS: --A warm-up on light regional accents, including the unbelievable Pittsburgh accent and a quick review of how delightfully ironic it is when people from Wisconsin call you a hick --We swear we'll tell you the one thing Bama needs to do to beat Ole Miss, but first we talk about Houston going on the road to play Cincy. Delicious platelet-rich plasma shots for everyone. --Miami/App State, per ESPN's ticket index, is the second most expensive ticket in the nation right now. KIDD BREWER STADIUM, HOME OF ARISTOCRATS AND TYCOONS. --All three of us foolishly talking ourselves into Louisville beating Florida State --At least ten minutes of conversation about Papa John, aka John Schnatter, aka Big Daddy Garlic Bowls, aka The Worst Commercial Actor and Brand Presence Ever --Oklahoma hosting Ohio State, or how that really shouldn't be a close game if we're all being honest about Oklahoma at this point versus the monster Ohio State should, in theory, have. (In theory.) --Anxiety Week in the SEC West! Someone's getting fired and everything is bad. Ooh, and Georgia plays Mizzou, a game no one should watch, at all. --Pitt plays at Okie State, for some reason? --Finally, we reveal the secret to Alabama beating Ole Miss Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Week Two's review is, like the week itself, far more interesting than advertised, even if it did drive Verne Lundquist to openly ask for distraction during the death throes of the Kentucky/Florida game. (Death throes = anything past the first quarter.) TOPICS: --How Jason just skipped this whole weekend and almost cried when Andre 3000 came out for "Black Ice" at the Dungeon Family reunion show --Maybe we discuss Kentucky football too long, but also come up with a fascinating solution to Kentucky's problems with an impending showdown with Alabama? (Don't go, and pass the savings on to your fans!) --The thousand ways Louisville quarterback Lamar Jackson is not real right now --Ryan finds the saddest scene from Illinois State/Northwestern, which is quite an accomplishment --A suggestion for new rivals for Penn State since Pitt is unfit to be their rival despite losing to the Panthers 42-39 this weekend --A review of the hilarity of Arkansas football and the brutal and irritating ways they found to antagonize TCU --OH WE GET TO TALK ABOUT GEORGIA ALMOST LOSING TO NICHOLLS AND HOW NICK CHUBB DIDN'T HAVE 100 YARDS AGAINST NICHOLLS --A detour into the disastrous ending of Washington State/Boise State where no one wanted to win the game --A review of the Navy/UConn game, where UConn definitely did not want to win the game, and threw 15 seconds into the trash because time is free, and points are something you can pull out of your pocket after the game and apply retroactively --How Tennessee scored 45 points and still looked worrisomely bad on offense against Virginia Tech, aka how we really don't want to see Josh Dobbs get hurt this season --Central Michigan shouldn't have won, and did, and if it's Monday we just kicked you in the balls again, Oklahoma State fan --Nick Saban, furious after a 38-10 win where Western Kentucky's QB politely decided to "leave the game" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

--Week two is so bad Spencer stumbles over the intro before the show even starts --Oh, we get to discuss Texas/ND and Ole Miss/FSU! Which were both pleasing to the hater in different and yet still equally satisfying parts --A review of Iowa v. Iowa State, aka ¡El Assico!, the game some Iowa fans get mad at us for even noticing. "It's like you're pooping in the woods and someone looks." ---Jason Kirk, football genius, giving us the perfect analogy for this. --A discussion of relevant airplane drinking --Okay we're done discussing Iowa --NOPE. Ryan goes off on Iowa extending Kirk Ferentz to a contract that none of us understand, but that Ryan REALLY doesn't understand. --Okay Ryan goes on for a while longer about this, and we point out other coaches who did what Ferentz did and got fired. Hi, Mark Richt! --A lengthy discussion of how having a child will not make Ryan a better, more mature person, and also that one time Spencer yelled at a pair of FSU fans in front of his children. Also calling Florida State fans "headcrab-ass people", which is to be expected here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Remember that thing where SEC teams were going to start playing real teams to start the season, and not cupcake games against the overmatched dregs of FCS? THAT MAY HAVE BEEN A MISTAKE. Ryan, Jason, and Spencer review the first weekend of the season up until Sunday, which we do not cover because we recorded this early on Sunday, when Notre Dame lost to Texas. It would have been fun to talk about Notre Dame losing painfully in OT to a Texas team it beat by thirty points and more last year, but we did not have time to discuss how Notre Dame could not stop the offense of a team that last year lost a howler to Iowa State. Again, we did not discuss this hilarious failure by Notre Dame, a team whose disappearance into a crater or timefold or other deep hole opening into another dimension would diminish the overall value of college football and society at large by zero percent. We also did not discuss how ugly-ass the ugly-ass Under Armour shirts Notre Dame's staff had to wear on the sidelines. Static-ass ugly-ass 1992-lookin-ass shirts. So since we did not discuss that, we talk about the following instead: --How the SEC faceplanted so very badly on opening weekend --Why the team with the kicker with the longer hair will always win a game, i.e. why Mississippi State lost at home to South Alabama --A special breakout on whatever Kentucky did, which was bad even by the deplorable and intense standards of Kentucky-level failure --We don't even discuss Alabama because this is a football podcast not an avalanche report --How FCS teams beating FBS teams is a bad thing for your FBS team as long as your team isn't Washington State, which now will reel off nine straight wins and go to the Rose Bowl because this is a new tradition they have and you can't mess with tradition Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

WEEK ONE IS HERE. The internet's only college football podcast starts off the 2016 college football season with: --a super important conversation about people Spencer does not look like, because...football? --how we love Cal for not mattering, ever --why we decide to begin the greatest sport's season every year with South Carolina football, a brand sure to drive horrified new viewers away in droves --how Jason once pulled a D in a British Lit class despite going to the wrong classroom and class the entire semester, go Kennesaw State Owls --which ranked teams face upsets in week one, even though we don't actually know who's good or not, and thus don't really have too many upsets? (SEE: OLE MISS VS. FLORIDA STATE, or any other ranked v. ranked matchup) --Ryan singing "NORTH CAROLINA, BEATING GEORGIA" jauntily --Who's going to lose to an FCS team in their opening week besides Iowa State, who's totally losing to UNI because UNI specializes in this thing --More excited discussion about Auburn QB "White, Sean" and how sneaky fast he is --The introduction of 2016's hottest college football scoreboard cam gimmick: FIGHT CAM. We just send six cartoonishly costumed prospectors into a sparsely populated part of the stadium to stage-fight one lucky fan selected at random. The whole stadium gets to watch! It'll be delightful. --Texas plays Notre Dame, who they should want to beat very badly after last year's 35 point loss to the Irish. It's good to want things, even if they probably won't happen. --A final conversation about Ole Miss vs. FSU, the game where we see if Chad Kelly can outdo his predecessor Bo Wallace in throwing perfectly matching sets of TDs and INTs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Two former SEC linemen join Jason and Ryan while Spencer is lost in the mountains. They talk about: - fried chicken chains and the unspeakable world of on-campus food delivery - the merits of blocking vs. muting on Twitter - whether college offensive linemen are really as unprepared as NFL scouts complain they are - strength coaches - the merits of scheduling FCS opponents - the very small difference between Heaven and Hell Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The fire code gets tossed out the window on this episode, with special guests Bill Connelly (Podcast Ain't Played Nobody), Dan Rubenstein (The Solid Verbal), Bud Elliott (Tomahawk Nation), and Brian Floyd (Lost in the Upside Down). This ragtag crew is faced with the task of: - Figuring out what the hell we did with those season predictions, and why - Selecting the most generic FBS school - Threatening to murder turn of the century German teens - Identifying the worst conference game of 2016 - Picking the teams that will go from great to trash and vice versa this season - Failing to know the best Van Morrison song It's...surprisingly coherent? Sure, let's go with that. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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The final preview episode! We're there, at last, but not before an intro where we talk about how playing in Detroit in the NFL is like the Dark Souls of football career challenges, and maybe a quick diversion into Botched, the best worst show on television. These two concepts are definitely related. The final teams: --BAMA. Mostly just us making things up about how they're not going to drag everyone on this schedule except for Ole Miss --OLE MISS. A fond discussion about a team that will probably beat Alabama, and then somehow lose four games along the way. The Rebels remain the team that wins the lottery on Monday, and is out of money by Tuesday; the Rebels remain "As I Lay Dying: The Football Team." --TEXAS A&M. That thing where you look at the schedule and make some very charitable advances in the Aggies' direction and still come up with a 7-5 record at best. Good luck, Kevin Sumlin! --UCLA. Josh Rosen could be really good, and it still might not matter if UCLA manages to get half its roster injured like they did last year. We also examine the philosophies of Jim Mora, Profane Zen Master. --West Virginia. Dana Holgorsen has been in Morgantown six years! He's almost an institution, which is probably just about when he up and leaves before creditors find him. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You know, just because we say you're getting two podcasts in a week doesn't mean you're getting a good pair of podcasts. This isn't entirely our fault: the random assortment of teams came up with not one, but TWO teams in the state of Illinois. This was doomed from the start. Topics include: --A quick discussion of the hierarchy of cheap-ass grocery store chains, and a reminder that HEB hands out beers to drink while you're shopping --A review of all the bad things that have happened to every single one of these teams --A discussion of South Carolina football that devolves into "Will Muschamp, hostage negotiator" --How Northwestern is exactly the team to start 4-0 and end up 6-6 --A thing that will get us at least two angry emails about how Chicago is a college football town --Oregon State gets fast-forwarded to next year, let's just come back and see how they're doing next year, y'all, look away, this is definitely something for 2017 and eyes away, please --Ryan talks very seriously about Baylor, and not about football alone Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh it's DOUBLE FULLCAST WEEK. This one might as well be the Brunch episode, because it involves a few prime ingredients (look, we're talking about Florida State, an excellent football team) mixed in with the lesser leftovers from the week you might not want to serve by themselves. (Hello, Indiana and Vanderbilt.) Topics include: --More yelling about FSU's Dalvin Cook, who should have been the Heisman winner last year, and how his football team might be real, real good around him already before you add in his unearthly talents. --Vanderbilt discussion centers mostly around a.) Vandy improving to a lofty five win standard again, and b.) a lot of reminders about how dismal Vandy has been historically, like that's something that will make Vandy feel better about getting their teeth kicked in by Tennessee consistently again. --Indiana! AMERICA'S MOST ZANDER DIAMONT TEAM. --Texas Tech! They're just Indiana football, but dustier and blessed with Pat Mahomes at quarterback. --Finally, Kansas State, which just gets kind of sad because it really, really feels like Bill Snyder's last season. (Even though it turns out that Bill Snyder is younger than man/chicken hybrid Kenny Rogers.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

WE BACK. The summer preview quite literally rolls on, at least in Jason's case, since he recorded his portion in the car this week in transit to SEC Media Days. Does Jason, recording in his car on a phone over the ineptly paved and uneven highways of Alabama, still sound better than recording over Indiana internet? Yes, yes it does. You're better than Indiana at something, Alabama! STICK THAT CHEST OUT AND ROLL TIDE. This one is...actually good? Actually GREAT. The teams this week are: --MICHIGAN STATE. A team that somehow feels like they'll be fine by scoring fewer points, playing uglier football, and losing a quarterback whose personality was considered cancerous even by NFL quarterback standards. Then again: when has an experienced backup upperclassman being considered a given at QB ever gone wrong, we ask, when, when in the entire history of say, Florida football has that ever gone wro-- --NC State! They're definitely a football team? They have a pretty good defense? They'll play sort of ineffective offense, but do it quickly? They're in the ACC, and not named Florida State or Clemson, so [bucket of shrug emojis]? --GEORGIA. A preview where we definitely do not say that Kirby Smart is Will Muschamp part 2, and where Jason yells out "ALL DAWGS MATTER" after suggesting you can get an undergraduate degree in conservative talk radio at the University of Georgia. Remember when Grayson Lambert went 24 for 25 against South Carolina, and was going to win the Heisman, and then five months later Mark Richt was coaching Miami? We do. --Louisville! Summary: Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson --TCU. Where when you play Pokemon Go, you find Gary Patterson and you find a Squirtle. We all agree that they're going to go 11-1, which is nothing but doom for TCU. SQUIRTLE WINS. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jason joined us from Indiana to record this one from inside what sounds like a steamer trunk filled with spiders. We will never, ever let Jason do this again, or we will put him back inside a very real steamer trunk filled with spiders. The teams previewed this week are: --Mississippi State! Goddammit, Dan Mullen, you gigantic idiot. That and "Dak Prescott is gone" are your whole preview. --LSU! Where Jason, from inside that spider-filled steamer trunk in Buttsville, Indiana, tries to sell us all on Brandon Harris being more than the typical LSU Quarterback Of The Moderately Damnable Quality. --Arkansas! We mostly debate the various calendar-themed types of Arkansas teams Bret Bielema has created over the years: the SeptemBERT variety, the OctoBERT one, or the rarest and most potent of them all, the NovemBERT strain that still goes like 2-2, but does so with a powerful, entertaining vigor. Please don't firebomb our houses for discussing your football team, Arkansas fans. --Penn State! Now with 100% less Christian Hackenberg, which might be a good thing? Oh, and they turned over their whole coaching staff, basically, so...JAMES FRANKLIN RECRUITING SOMETHING SOMETHING --Duke, which we don't really preview because honestly we know nothing about them, will do no research, and are very glad David Cutcliffe will probably get them somewhere between 5-7 and 7-5 and better than Duke football should by any rights be. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why did we discuss USC? Mostly to remind you no one knows who their coach is, and so we could play out the gag of not saying his name to make you look up who it is. Oh, and to make Ryan go back when Spencer forgot the gag, said his name, and then forced Ryan to edit in some extremely dope music over the guy's name at the 9:30 mark. Topics! (THEY'RE CALLIN' AGAIN.) --What USC will look like in 2016, which will probably be "a lot like other USC teams in recent history, but with an absolutely brutal schedule including Alabama in week one." You'd want a few warmups if you were a new coach. UNNAMED COACH does not get one, and that should be extremely entertaining for everyone but USC fans. They get to break in a new QB, too, and most of a new front seven! Just lean on the phrase "IMMENSELY TALENTED AND GROWING EVERY DAY," Trojan fans. It's a rhetorical rock that won't budge for at least a year of steady support. --Missouri! Don't listen to this part, it's just depressing to talk about, we shouldn't have talked about Missouri at all. --Kentucky! Man, just don't listen to this either. You chose poorly, listeners. You chose so poorly when you picked this selection. --Cal! When you look at a team and they could conceivably go 3-9, that's...seriously, why did you give us these teams to talk about. --A quick look at Oklahoma State, the school where Mike Gundy is still coach. We checked and called and everything, he's actually still there despite feuding with the school's biggest booster every three years or so when his contract comes up. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FARMERS ONLY THIS WEEK. The Shutdown Fullcast this week covers the agriculturingest slate of teams we've covered yet, including: --Nebraska, a team that on further examination reveals itself to have absolutely no predictability whatsoever for 2016. None. Look at that schedule and find more than two sure wins or two sure losses in either direction. Do it and die. --Virginia, an outlier here because a.) Virginia has not farmed since the 1800s and b.) all three of us admit that we will not watch more than three combined quarters of UVA football this year even with a new coach, because we never watch more than three combined quarters of Virginia football in any calendar year --Clemson! The thinkin' farmer's school, which happens to be good enough at scoring points to realistically outpace anyone trying to keep up with them this year. Deshaun Watson ran for a thousand yards and threw for over 4,000 last year and gets his best receiver back. Do not stare directly at the Clemson offense; do not handle it without protective goggles and lead aprons. --Oklahoma! Watch how much we don't talk about Bob Stoops having Joe Mixon as someone who somehow gets to play football this year. --It would be a shame to demean the sucecss of Iowa football in 2015 and their promise for 2016 by just talking about ¡EL ASSICO! and how badly Iowa got trashed in the Rose Bowl by Stanford. This, however, is a podcast built on shame. This is pretty much what we do. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Shutdown Fullcast Random Previews continue with four very interesting, important, and/or intriguing teams. There is also Maryland. We're sorry, but there is also some Maryland in there. Topics include: --Maryland! We talk about the Terps first, largely to get them out of the way because it's gonna be a rebuilding year even if it will be an interesting one. Spencer thinks they'll lose to FIU! Take it to the bank, if your bank also takes bets on obscure Friday night out-of-conference games. --We all agree that Auburn is an extremely dangerous team in 2016. (Mostly for Auburn, but dangerous is dangerous is dangerous.) --Did we all just somehow agree that Texas is a nine-win team? Did this just happen? THIS JUST HAPPENED, GO CRAZY AND HOOK 'EM, DEFINITELY RUN WITH THIS ABSURD OPTIMISM AND DO NOT QUESTION IT, LONGHORN FANS. --All three of us come to the realization that Washington State has become something reliable in the Pac-12. The definition of reliable, it turns out, is flexible beyond all utility. --We finish with Ohio State, the team that somehow still has a J.T. Barrett on the schedule and pulls next to nothing out of the Big Ten's other division in lining up what looks like a ten-win rebuilding season that will leave very few people happy. Don't ever let your football team become good enough that ten wins satisfies no one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SO after last week's debacle where our readers accidentally selected the worst slate of teams possible to preview for 2016, we took matters into our own hands. This week we preview five teams that could not only be very good this year, but who could also theoretically win things and be fun to watch and stuff. Also, Jason is not broadcasting from the middle of a driving rainstorm this week. He's in a car, which sounds way better than you expect it to, really. Topics: -- How Spencer got a forty dollar go-cup, and why it's effectively worthless -- Speaking of things staying cold for extended periods of time: TENNESSEE FOOTBALL, PREVIEWED. Did you know the only interesting game the play after mid-October is against Will Muschamp, the ultimate obstruction? Isn't that potentially hilarious, especially now that he doesn't coach Florida? That's potentially hilarious. -- Ryan calls for Michigan to go 12-0 and it seems fairly reasonable? Particularly with their schedule, a spread so luxurious that it features a bye week before playing Illinois. -- Virginia Tech will have offense and defense at the same time, allegedly, per reports, hypothetically, maybe. It's different now, and we'll all have to watch Bud Foster look real confused as his team scores unheard of "points" without intercepting the ball or forcing fumbles. -- Arizona! They're definitely a team that will play this year? (We did very little research on Arizona before working with them, much like Rich Rodriguez did.) -- Washington could be very good this year if they do not do the thing a lot of Pac-12 teams do in dropping the weirdest conference games imaginable. Washington is a Pac-12 team. They will probably drop a weird conference game. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SO that whole thing where Ryan assigned random numbers to teams and had readers select our previewed squads by those numbers? It flopped a handful of unsuited garbage this week, as the randomness called forth pure Lovecraftian horror. (Spoiler: Lovecraftian horror in football terms equals not one, but TWO BOTTOM-DWELLING ACC TEAMS IN ONE PREVIEW.) We'd apologize, but y'all opened this hellmouth, not us. Topics covered and cringed through include: --Syracuse, you did something good! It feels just as weird for us as it does for you. Listen as we somehow talk our way into thinking this might be a bowl team. --A devil's bargain engineered by Ryan where both Jason and ourselves choose to go on a roadtrip around America's least glamorous corridor rather than go to West Lafayette, Indiana, ever. --We could talk about Wake Forest or we could talk about how Jason is literally walking back and forth between the inside of his house and a roaring late spring thunderstorm like THAT'S SOMETHING YOU CAN DO ON A PODCAST Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The non-preview preview editions of the Shutdown Fullcast continue into...well, into some dark territory. Let's be honest and just say that we talk about Pitt and Rutgers NO WAIT WE COME BACK WE TALK ABOUT OTHER SHIT WE PROMISE--- Things like: --Hey did you remember that Mark Richt is the head coach at Miami, and he gets to work with Brad Kaaya, and that could be really cool since they're both pretty good at their complimentary jobs? And that Miami plays Appalachian State this year? In Boone, North Carolina? --More talk about Pitt football than anyone's had since 2007 when the greatest thing ever happened to Pitt which was just ruining a rival's best shot at a national title which is a negative positive but we are talking about Pitt so they'll take it --Two minutes of Rutgers talk that no one wants to hear so just skip it --We realize that Wisconsin, after years of missing the swinging hammer of a rotating schedule, takes a full-force shot to the face this year by basically playing every real good team in the Big Ten in one season --Stanford! The team with the best and coldest player in the nation, even if you don't know who is handing the ball off to him this year. (Probably someone named Keller Chryst, but you could have guessed that or some other name like that.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SHUTDOWN FULLCAST BACK. This time we continue our preview series with a random selection of schools best described as...well, very, very random indeed. Topics and teams covered: --Charlie Weis STILL GETS PAID DOLLAZ BY NOTRE DAME. He last coached for them in 2009. You can laugh about this, because the goal is to pull off a Charlie Weis as hard as you can in life and get paid too much money to do things you demonstrably cannot do. --How Oregon football 2016 is still best described as "waiting to see if Mark Helfrich can really do his job, because the Ducks are so talented it's hard to tell whether they're about to implode or not". Also remember how they lost to Utah by 42 at home this year? And hired Brady Hoke to fix their defensive problems? --A leisurely stroll through Utah football's prospects, including an appreciation of how damn long Kyle Whittingham has been in Salt Lake City, and how often he's worked out there. (Every day, and never, ever skipping bicep day.) --Kansas is still playing football! And will probably lose eleven straight games this year. :( --Minnesota is also still playing football! Big, ponderous, ice-cream fat football we think will win like, five games or so. --The internet's most extensive and thorough Notre Dame preview! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Shutdown Fullcast this week boldly attempts to go where Shutdown Fullcasts so rarely go: INTO ACTUAL FOOTBALL. Ryan assigned random numbers to every college football team, and then asked readers to send him numbers. The five teams selected were Arizona State, Georgia Tech, North Carolina, and Colorado. We did no research, and attempted to discuss them! Topics of actual football content covered include: --Why Georgia Tech is the "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" of college football teams (the points don't matter!) --a lawnmower goes off in the background while we're discussing Georgia Tech, which is the most DGAF Paul Johnson country shit ever besides finding the upside to missing a bowl game in 2015 --Why Arizona State will bounce back form a 6-7 season to have a spellbinding 7-6 season. (Also: yet another explanation of the important concept of boat muscles.) --We spend most of the time on our UNC preview talking about how gutted their defense was by Baylor in the Russell Athletic Bowl, when Baylor ran EIGHTY-FOUR TIMES FOR 645 YARDS IN A SINGLE GAME. They passed 18 times, too, which is real funny. You know what UNC loses from that defense? Linebackers! THE POINTS DON'T MATTER. --How Colorado will have the most brutal 5-7 season of 2016! You have no luck in anything, Colorado. --A mean turn through the Florida Gators football schedule, which is the standard Jeremy Foley-endorsed trash. It is trash, Jeremy Foley. Straight fuckin' trash. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices