Number 5 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the New Orleans Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Ryan's still getting basic facts wrong and they should fire him already! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Number 4 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Cure Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Ryan can't even get the basic facts of this game right so don't expect much, please! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Number 3 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Camellia Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Caveat emptor is the only rule for this podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Number 2 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Las Vegas Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Sorry, we're not good at this! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Number 1 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the New Mexico Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! That's the risk you take when you decide to listen! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Playoff has been settled upon and it's fine. It's all fine. We mostly ignore that in favor of picking our own Playoff Of Teams You Don't Want To Face, including USC, LSU, Florida State, and, yes, Pitt. We also: - Praise Virginia Tech, one of 2016's most confusing and wonderful teams - Acknowledge the one Playoff truth: it's all a long prank at the Big 12's expense - Handing out the People's Heisman - Prepare for Dana Holgorsen, Wise Elder of College Football - Try to guess at Breaking Bret Bielema news - Talk way too much about Florida - Including a brief Outback Bowl discussion EVEN THOUGH WE'RE ABOUT TO DO A TON OF BOWL PREVIEW EPISODES UGH STUPID SPENCER Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Football season's almost done and you're still listening to this terrible podcast, which says something about mankind's collective inability to change for the better. But since you're here, we: - Imagined the Playoff that has 3 Big 10 teams but Bama still winning - Let Spencer go way, way out on a Pac 12 limb that will almost certainly collapse - Figured out the fan base happiest to be done with 2016 - Identified the best part of the SEC Championship Game - Picked the worst coach Florida realistically hires if McElwain leaves for Oregon - Found out from Jason in real time that the Oregon job was open, making that McElwain replacement discussion so so so real Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yes, we talk about the Ohio State-Michigan game, but it takes longer to get there than it should because we podcast like your grandmother drives: far too slowly and dangerous to others at night. Other topics! - A coach-by-coach analysis of which SEC coaches are crap - Pitt-Syracuse broke math - Nodding approvals of Arizona, Iowa, and NC State - The scenario in which Brian Kelly gets carried off the field by his players - How tragically bad our preseason predictions were - Oregon, the hell are you doing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode has a little bit of Thanksgiving: - Analyzing how drunk you can get in front of family - Ham thoughts - A plea to eat whatever you want A little bit of football: - Rivalry week, AKA Ruin Someone Else's Season Without Really Improving Your Own - How A&M can outfox Texas - Don't bet money on an Arizona game - Or an Arizona State game - The worst FSU hire(s) possible And a little bit of personal failures: - Ryan and Spencer are bad at dating - Spencer is also capable of immense meanness - Jason is the only good person here Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Though apparently you can lose to Iowa State, if you have really really really good hair. You can also lose to Boston College, but you have to be UConn, which, no, don't do that. You CAN'T lose to Central Michigan if you're Oklahoma State. They ran the numbers and it's mathematically impossible; please correct your flawed record book. Other topics! - Rutgers, and Paul Wulff proves it could be so much worse - Standing outside in the cold to prove you're tough - Colorado won't make the Playoff but dang that'd be awesome - An exploration of the madness that is the Apple Cup - Vanderbilt tuned up Ole Miss, in case you missed it - Tom Herman's airport habits - Notre Dame is 4-7, just FYI Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is the block of text where I tell you what goes on in this week's episode, but, honestly, who can even remember? I know we talked about ice cream as it relates to the SEC-SoCon challenge, and what kind of butt each ACC team is. I vaguely recall a listener asking us how to make money, even though we're all financial idiots. Maybe there are game previews, but they're probably ill-conceived. Oh, Jason definitely called Florida moving back into the top 25. And Spencer made Ryan feel bad about himself. Plus some other stuff? In theory? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Fair warning: if you listen to this episode, you're going to hear Spencer scream IOWAAAAAAAA for a longer time than seems necessary. You will also hear - A tribute to Hawkeye punter Ron Coluzzi and Tales of Kinnick Intoxication - Actual positive discussion of Pitt, no fooling - Actual positive discussion of USC, what is wrong with us - Checking in on Boston College, that's more like it - Conference championship nightmare scenarios imagined - Auburn's um, interesting quarterback situation - Congratulating Wake Forest on their big hockey win Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The ass-ingest week of the college football season is here, and we are here to do two things: kick said ass, and chew bubble gum. And we are all out of bubble gum. Because we ate it. Because bubble gum is delicious, and something that tastes that good shouldn't be something you aren't supposed to eat. Topics of interest for week eleven: --We're going to talk about football, because that's our job! Nothing else. At least, not much of anything else before we go about our business. --It's a less-than-luminous week on the slate, but USC/Washington is happening. Do you call all USC quarterbacks "Matt" by default? Spencer does, and it makes so much sense when you start remembering that everyone who has ever played QB for the Trojans is actually a secret Matt. --How Washington coach Chris Petersen's greatest asset as a coach is calling an offensive game like a complete dick. (He's fine, personally! But calling plays like he does? Total dick, which is what you want when you --Hey listen Will Muschamp has had success with a young QB before, it's just not fun to remember when you're yelling about "LOL MUSCHAMP." Oh, and a reminder that there is the real possibility that a kid who could be playing his senior season in high school might have to face Alabama in the SEC Championship Game! That should probably be illegal! --Arkansas also plays LSU in the week's only other matchup of ranked teams. One is ranked #24 and one is ranked #25 but that still technically means ranked in the weakest possible definition of ranked. --A proposal for Oregon to hire Hugh Freeze, the man least personally compatible with living in Eugene, Oregon and working for Phil Knight --SOMETHING'S GOT TO GIVE BECAUSE O-5 IN BIG TEN PLAY MICHIGAN STATE PLAYS 0-5 RUTGERS LET'S KICK THIS SHIT OFF AT NINE A.M. AND SEE HOW SOON WE CAN GET IT OVER WITH --Notre Dame is playing Army in San Antonio, for some reason? --Let Jason do his best Dana Holgorsen impression, which he describes as "drunk Shawn Michaels." A meal eaten at 1 a.m. still counts as breakfast. --Washington/Cal is happening again so be prepared for seven hours of something sort of resembling football that will end in tears Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ohio State-Nebraska! Vandy-Auburn! Iowa-Penn State! TCU-Baylor! These are but a few of the games that we managed to not discuss this week, in part because Spencer's internet connection died before we could. (The other part: we're biased and hate your team.) What did we talk about instead? - How Alabama is sabotaging its own championship hopes - When we decided LSU was dead - Designing a fitting trophy for Michigan State-Rutgers - Why the Pac-12 gives Spencer maximum entertainment - Ryan's the one mad at Florida now apparently - Special guest Brian Floyd breaks down Arizona - The holiest path ahead for Hugh Freeze Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jason's outside again, which, yeah, means the sound's going to be a total disaster. Oh, and we talked about some football stuff, like: - What the Big 12 is for, if anything - The bowl prediction that pits Charlie Strong against Georgia - How to fix GameDay with more guns - Jim Harbaugh goes to a baseball game - Spencer's new nickname, Captain Beef - Which QBs we've seen absorb the most physical punishment - Notre Dame is playing Navy - In Jacksonville - Before noon - Why you shouldn't knock on Alabama's door on Halloween - Finding Ed Orgeron a home, possibly in the Marvel universe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

West Virginia and Boise and Baylor and Nebraska were all undefeated. They aren't now, which, well, sorry y'all. This episode has a good five minutes of I don't really know what at the beginning, followed by this: - A conference referee taxonomy - Pointing out that Tennessee lost to a child quarterback born after the last Volunteer national title - Admiring Notre Dame's persistence in trying to lose yet again - Explaining how PJ Fleck will beat USC three times in 2017 - The origins of the universe as they relate to Georgia football - Doing Louisville a solid by saying very little about how they almost lost to UVA - Doing Ohio State a MAJOR solid by not even talking about the Northwestern game - A celebration of Wyoming winning by safety - DUDES DUDES DUDES DUDES DUDES DUDES Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Week 9's games: pretty okay! There's an interesting Virginia Tech-Pitt clash on Thursday, a number of noon games you can watch instead of Kentucky-Mizzou on Saturday, a Baylor-Texas matchup that surely won't turn into a bunch of yelling and accusation hurling, one of Washington's last regular season chances to do something people will pay attention to, a Wisconsin-Nebraska game that one team will leave still undefeated, and Clemson-Florida State. Some of these games we talk about with analysis and thought! Many of them we do not and it's the same old bullshit and dumb jokes! One nice-ish thing is said about Notre Dame! Sort of! Papa John is discussed aaaaaagain! And we check in on Jason's bet with Steven Godfrey on whether or not Kansas can win 3 games. (Spoiler: maybe, but you'll need to wait a little.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Penn State knocked off #2 Ohio State with a blocked field goal returned for a touchdown, so naturally we take 10 minutes to get to that game and talk about LSU-Ole Miss first because we're terrible at identifying meaningfulness. Other points of digression include: - Whether Todd Graham has what it takes to use "chickenshit" in conversation - How to defeat Jim Harbaugh by preying on his crippling addiction to competition - Bill Snyder is not a nice person, don't fall for his kind grandpa thing - Kirk Ferentz does the job you paid him to do - Our government mandated statement of fealty to Alabama - A very rude trip through the Arkansas-LSU box score Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FULLCAST BACK. This time without Ryan, who we subbed out for Jane Coaston, MTV News writer, Michigan fan, and Hammering Panda evangelist. It’s like all the other podcasts where we bring someone else in: better by subtraction of one of our three inept selves, and then improved further by having an actual competent person on the show. TOPICS: The Hammering Panda and Man Berg, aka the Big Ten’s two best-named players taking the same field for Illinois/Michigan. This is the only reason to even think about this game. Discussion of the biggest game of the week...EASTERN MICHIGAN AT WESTERN MICHIGAN Fine, fine, we talk about the various fictions one has to write in order to get to a competitive and real Texas A&M/Alabama game. Remember how it’s in Tuscaloosa? That’s neat! Jason points out that the SEC West is set on random this year. See: Gus Malzahn, tough-minded, defense-first coach. Oregon/Cal exists? Why? What NC State is (a kind of demon raccoon that thrives in trash fires) and why they could theoretically be a problem in a noon game with Louisville The IT JUST MEANS MORE game of the week is MTSU/Mizzou, which Mizzou could totalllllllllllly lose Jason leaves like Mack Brown in the middle of the broadcast, meaning Jane and Spencer take advantage of the opportunity to yell about Colorado, which SEC coach is secretly a democrat, and why Chick-Fil-A needs to stop this stupid shit where they insist no one believed in chicken for breakfast WE ALWAYS BELIEVED IN CHICKEN FOR BREAKFAST Oh, and in those reader questions, we talk about how Baylor is the most hated team by media this season because almost no one in college football media has the faintest clue how to start talking about what happened at Baylor. That’s bad! As in really bad, as in almost as bad as conducting a report/review that you just summarized in a separate summary of public findings without naming individuals at all. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Because we cannot agree on whether Week 7 was good or bad, we broke it up into its constituent parts. GOOD: - Ohio State and Wisconsin, even though only one of them could win - ACC Lead Detective Mitch Trubisky - A bear eating hot dogs at a casual yet alarming rate (there's a connection here, don't worry) - Papa John being as Papa John as possible - Dino Babers and the Syracuse offense BAD: - Referees (see Tulsa v. Houston; In re Luke Falk Pass Attempt) - Spencer's attitude towards Florida - Kliff Kingsbury and the Texas Tech offense - Attempting to out-motivate P.J. Fleck - Georgia running the ball with a 5'8 wide receiver on 4th and 1 - Against Vanderbilt - Georgia lost to Vanderbilt NEITHER GOOD NOR BAD BUT MERELY FACT: - A lot of meanness concerning Notre Dame - Historic Purdue accomplishments - Arkansas 34, Ole Miss 30, a game we barely mentioned but please don't take it to mean anything, sometimes we just get distracted and stupid Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

--Some exciting pre-show banter definitely not left unintentionally in the audio --Reminder that Ole Miss/Arkansas is on this week, and unless it involves converting a 4th and 25 on a backwards pass it probably can't top last year --A definitive discussion of who gets purpler: Alex Jones or Brian Kelly? --Also a diversion into the oldest software in use to discuss college football on the internet, aka ND NATION, and a look at just how bad the rest of the season could be for Notre Dame. Put on Stanford/Notre Dame on the screen on your fridge! Let it simmer there for a while, like a fine reduction. --This is not a short conversation, we mock Notre Dame for at least ten minutes --MICHIGAN WE KNOW YOU'RE SMART, YOU TELL YOURSELVES AND US THAT ALL THE TIME -- --Who in the top ten is secretly assy, and about to display said assedness in the second half of the season? (Baaaaaadgers) --More desperate thrashing to create an argument against Alabama winning their game against Tennessee this week --Reader Kenny probably totally hates Ryan, but we let him stay at the party anyway and answer his question about Baylor probably hiring Sonny Dykes --This leads to noticing the Big 12 is pretty much loaded with gun-toting mascots, or those who need them immediately --Why Ohio State will play just fine this weekend against Wisconsin and still get dinged for it --Teams that don't have live mascots who need live mascots, like the Indiana Hoosiers, who just need a regular guy from Indiana to sit on the sidelines in a sweatshirt and cheap jeans --West Virginia's only played four games? Cool, on that throwback schedule --WAKE FOREST PLAYING FSU WITH A BETTER ACC RECORD ON THE TENTH ANNIVERSARY OF 30-0 IN TALLY ALL IN LET'S GO DO IT FOR GHOST ARNOLD PALMER --Jim Harbaugh drinking milk, it's just gross, man Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Week six is done, and so is Rutgers football after losing 78-0 to Michigan. Topics! --The Notre Dame/NC State game, a.k.a. THE BEST 10-3 GAME EVER and MORE PROOF YOU SHOULD JUST PUNT AND HOPE YOUR OPPONENT DOES SOMETHING STUPID --"Will Notre Dame make a bowl game?", a question we actually have to ask at this point --Notre Dame could miss a bowl game this year --How many points can we make about Notre Dame being horrible and Brian Kelly being a wretched man, well, how many points ya got --A SALUTE TO RUTGERS SURVIVING AN EPIC DEFEAT SO BAD IT BECAME NEAR-NOBLE --A discussion of what did and didn't make sense in Tennessee/Texas A&M. Tennessee had seven turnovers and almost won! Guess which category this falls into here! --A deep analysis of how the LSU/Florida game played out --The Count of Monte Cristo Game, which you may also call the Washington/Oregon game, or also call the most thorough debacling of a rival this year (unless you call Rutgers/Michigan a rivalry) ( Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

THE FULLCAST RIDES FOR WEEK FIVE, which hits status as “a pretty good week” because it contains both “college football” and “passably good college football.” We tried to be quick about it, which went about as well as that usually does. TOPICS: --Spencer gets very excited about the best noon slate of the year, while Ryan and Jason remind him that it is still a noon slate --Why Tennessee suddenly can’t lose football games, aka “the Butch Jones cashes in a decade of collected football karma skymiles all at once” stratagem --Ryan finds a matchup so repellent even he cannot hate-watch it (good god, y’all) --Did you know Maryland is undefeated, and could very realistically beat Penn State this weekend? That won’t be awkward at all for anyone, especially you, person who just realized Maryland is undefeated. --Miami and FSU might be playing in a hurricane, which would be cool --Georgia and South Carolina might be playing in a hurricane, which really wouldn’t be any different since South Carolina always looks like they’re playing in a stiff wind and driving rain even in clear skies and bright sunshine --The Red River Rivalry is happening this weekend! Abandon hope, wake up early, and just see how nothing you anticipated happening happens again for the 111th time in a row --Ryan leaves the podcast early, a la Mack Brown in the middle of the Toledo/BYU game --Jason and Spencer answer reader questions as fast as they can, including the all-important question of what game is better for freakish weather than the 2000 Independence Bowl where it snowed in Shreveport? (A: nothing, ever) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Florida State now has the same conference record as Boston College. This is just a fact we're offering you, and not in any way a commentary on the quality of the 2016 Seminoles. Other facts we discuss this week include: - Tennessee's smart decision to spend all its bad luck in 2015 so this year can be nothing but amazing comebacks - Washington making Stanford look Walt Harrisian - Identifying the secret, true El Assico - We're seriously asking if Oregon is going to make a bowl game, what the hell has happened to you Oregon - Mike Gundy's not going to T. Boone's graduation party and we heard they're not even friends on Facebook anymore - Spencer kind of sort of propositions Mack Brown for group sex - I know, again - Cal's defense won a game, Colorado is ranked, USC embarrassed someone else, and none of us know a single thing about UCLA-Arizona Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, so we recorded the preview episode for week five during a thunderstorm and that went about as well as it could during a thunderstorm. That is, it went badly, even by the already low audio standards of the Fullcast. The topics. covered through difficult conditions because we are GRITTY: --Tennessee/Georgia playing a game that if the SEC East made sense would end with a decisive Tennessee victory, meaning it probably won't --How you kind of have to watch every game Houston plays even though they're playing overmatched teams like UConn, because they somehow managed to lose to UConn last year, and you wouldn't want to miss that even though they're probably still going to pummel them in revenge for that? Because they're a national power with an iffy schedule? --A lengthy discussion of offensive lines, including the absurd lengths the Stanford offensive lines will go to make you dig a hole to get lower then they are --We discuss how far Wake Forest has to go into an undefeated season before we start to realize this as a real thing and not some error of math and fate --Memphis/Ole Miss! A.k.a. THERE'S GONE BE A FIIIIIIIGHT --A reflection on the raw thrill of seeing Lamar Jackson playing real football again, and how Dabo will put 50 points on Louisville if he can to redeem Bobby Petrino's soul --Huh, what game was USC playing when they fired Lane Kiffin, hey look, that was Arizona State, who's USC playing with a 1-3 record this week, oh hey that's undefeated Arizona State, that's weird and not at all ironic-- --A plea for someone to Periscope the Hawaii game for us, and the world at large Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices