If there is a theme for this episode, it's sometimes you just need a clear sign that things are broken. Like, say, you're Oregon State and your head coach just bails on a ton of money out of the blue. Or you're an NFL position coach sending romantic cocaine videos from work. Or you're a home underdog to UVA. There's also a lot of talk about Butch Jones and Laserdisc and Spencer's weird body and rats, so it's fine if you choose not to listen. We get it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oklahoma lost to an Iowa State with several time travelers from before the age of television on the roster. Miami beat FSU team but it means nothing because, according to Seminole fans, Florida State isn't actually any good. Bret Bielema's still adjusting to his first fifth season at Arkansas but surely things will improve. And, oh, right, we're all freaking out about Jim Harbaugh and Michigan. Though at least they don't have to play at 1:45 AM Eastern, unlike Washington. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wanna get rich? You've come to the right place, because the Shutdown Fullcast is home to THE MOST RELIABLE PRO FOOTBALL PICKER IN THE WORLD, as it turns out. There's also some college football in here, including:Spencer singing the Georgia Tech fight song as Alex JonesRyan explaining how Aragon holds the key to Michigan-Michigan StateThe one reason why Georgia-Vandy might be closeSouth Carolina-Arkansas, the most important game of the weekOr at least one we talked about a lotNot really sure why, sorryJason recording outside again Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Buyouts are one of the best parts of college football because they're little roadblocks you get to set up against your own future happiness. Sure, you'd like to find a new, better coach, but you can't. Why? Because of that big old buyout, where you'd have to pay this coach a bunch of money to leave. Well, who put that there? YOU DID! YOU DID THAT TO YOURSELF! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's Spencer because come on he can't screw it up worse than the status quo. Other topics this week include:Why Washington State will win the national championshipFlorida pivoting to the flexboneDO NOT DISRESPECT DARUDEWays for Georgia-Tennessee to make both parties feel shittyCaveat emptor and Purdue And lots of thank you reads to you, our generous listeners who have given a whole bunch of money to help hurricane victims. Y'all are the best. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Florida superfan Jason Kirk joins the podcast this week to explain how the Gators had that game in hand the whole time, don't even worry about it, we gaze upon the destruction that was Vanderbilt football, Clemson won't show you the play by play against Boston College unless you produce a warrant, Bret Bielema ends up nude in a McDonald's Playplace, and YUP FLORIDA STATE SURE DOES HAVE AS MANY WINS AS UMASS DOES. (Though we're pretty sure they'd beat Tennessee.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Other podcasts try to either 1) look at the weekly lineup of games in college football OR 2) ponder why the NFL's less compelling as televised entertainment and brainstorm ways to improve the sport. We are not other podcasts - WE DID BOTH IN ONE EPISODE BECAUSE WE KNOW NOT THE MEANING OF THE WORD FEAR OR STAYING ON TOPIC. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Or at least about Memphis beating UCLA! Don't bother fact-checking us on anything else, just assume we were right and move on from there. Hey, did you know we're doing a charity drive for victims of Hurricanes Harvey and Irma? It's true! Just go to https://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2017/9/14/16306480/shutdown-fullcast-7-23-lets-not-talk-about-tennessee-florida and you can find out the details, including how you can force us to read basically whatever you want us to on a future Fullcast episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Or at least let's not talk about Florida-Tennessee very much, and, guess what! We don't! Not when we can ponder Brian Kelly losing his job after giving up 50 points to Boston College, or Papa John debating health care with Stephen A. Smith, or Wisconsin fans trying to get drunk in Provo, or doing a live edition of the Shutdown Fullcast at the last remaining Popeyes with a buffet? (Seriously, I hope we do that last one. Get at us, manager of the last remaining Popeyes with a buffet.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Iowa-Iowa State was the most thrilling game of the day (Boise State-Wazzu took that honor for the night), Auburn is looking positively Floridian, and Lamar Jackson continues to calmly burn your shit down. We also discuss:Conquistador Baker Mayfield and The Curious Case of Benjamin BuckeyeGeorgia finishing bogey-birdie-birdie to beat Notre DameTodd Graham's road to funemploymentSouth Carolina's good and fun and we're fine with it don't look at usUSC destroyed Stanford so badly that we wound up opening the show talking about the Indianapolis Colts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Texas A&M didn't just ruin their own year; they ruined our ability to do a review of Week 1. So this episode starts with two Florida fans moaning about their terrible counterfeit prescription drug of a team, moves on to a discussion of Iowa-Iowa State ending with one team making ten field goals, explains how Tennessee is like Darth Vader, wishes UNC luck against Lamar Jackson, and shows you how Pitt needs to lose to itself to make the Playoff. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After Stanford bravely faced the trials of Week 0.36, we're finally ready to lap up FIVE STRAIGHT DAYS of college football. Florida State-Alabama! West Virginia-Virginia Tech! Michigan-The Shell of a Florida Team That We Didn't Believe In At The Time We Recorded This And Then Somehow More Players Got Suspended! What else are we, the most and only podcast about the sport focused on?Orgeron-Sitake WrasslinWhy neutral site games are fine, if one of the teams is PurdueJIMBO TO UAB RUMORZUnranked teams that probably won't beat ranked opponents but it's funny to consider if they doOur upgraded spokesman for Dr. Pepper, mustachioed detective Barry CulpepperHow to lose in Kirk Ferentz's Low Calorie Casino Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are games this Saturday, but not so many that we need to really treat this like Week 1. Instead, this is our dress rehearsal, and we're using it to help you better understand how to manage your time, family, health, money, sleep, alcohol intake, wedding RSVP strategy, prescription medication, HTML, and understanding of Tampa's rich, dumb history. By the end of this podcast, you will be ready to take on life's greatest challenge - watching an entire season of college football without totally ruining something else in your personal or professional life. Good luck out there. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You read the title right: this episode contains absolutely no discussion of any football teams, players, coaches, conferences, mascots, or news. What's in there instead? Unfounded opinions onDogs!Parenting!Books!Video Games!Travel!Healthy Living!George Lucas's Beard!Movies With Dragons That Were Not Nominated For Any Academy Awards! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Missouri's got a future Heisman winner at quarterback! Oregon's going to the playoff! Tom Herman's about to turn Texas into Notre Dame! South Carolina's winning the SEC East! Minnesota's ruining Michigan's year! Texas Tech is going to have a only somewhat awful defense! These are but a few of the incredibly ill-advised predictions either you or we proposed, but now is the time to get them all out there before the season immediately proves everything we think we know totally wrong. Think of it as a cleanse for all of our dumb. (We'll find more dumb, don't worry.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's our final preview podcast (unless we forgot an entire division, which, yeah, that is a thing we might do) before the season, so naturally we start with ATLANTIC POWERHOUSE WAKE FOREST. Topics include:Why being an NC State fan is like a lifetime of square hamburgersRPO, the cure for all your problems, except possibly lastinthedivisionsclerosisPublished Author Papa John SchnatterJason says Clemson's gonna go 6-6, don't fact check this or he'll sue meBold Boston College take - they will NOT make the CFB PlayoffState-required Noles talking And remember, if you're frustrated this episode was late, blame Spencer. Always blame Spencer. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Special guest/experienced SEC West-hater Amanda Mull joins us to preview the division that we keep hoping will be exciting and contended down to the wire and always ends with an Alabama coronation. Topics include!The list of schools that have experienced a sex scandal, and what an LSU sex scandal would look like if one could even existArkansas's record predicted based on opposing mascot huntabilityAuburn's place in the Georgia Hate pecking orderHow Skip Holtz becomes head coach at Mississippi StateOur proposal for the Texas A&M Exclusive Luxury Football ExperienceSpicy picks if you're not predicting Bama to win the West Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're gonna talk about the Backyard Brawl, and Stanford winning outright as a 41 point dog, and the Heisman winner finding his path as a minor league baseball player, and Dennis Dixon's injury, and the time ULM beat Nick Saban, and Houston Nutt, and a whole lot of other weird shit that happened in 2007. We apologize now if any of this is painful to you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Houston Nutt is in your emails right now. He's already told your boss about that thing you ordered online. You know the one. Just quit now and save yourself the disgrace. The unemployment rate is going to jump 3% this year and it'll just be because Houston Nutt demands his damn pound of flesh. (Phrasing, I know.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Think of the Pac-12 North as a summer backyard meal at your friend's house. Cal is the napkins, noteworthy only if they don't show up for some reason and the gimme item you assign to your least trustworthy guest. Oregon State, you're potato salad. Totally fine to ignore rather than risk getting food poisoning. Wazzu is the hard liquor your cousin brought even thought you said BEER ONLY GOD DEREK DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM LAST YEAR. Oregon's flag cake - might be better than you expect, but let's keep the ceiling appropriately moderate and if this is the best thing there, something went very wrong. That leaves Stanford and Washington. They're burgers and hot dogs. Which is to say we don't know which one's actually better, we just want to gorge. At least one of these metaphors is in this episode! The others are just free bonus content. You're very welcome. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

MICHIGAN! OHIO STATE! PENN STATE! RUTGah yeah ok that's what's dragging this division down. A few warnings about this episode:There are a handful of Logan spoilersThe Penn State section probably talks too much about Pitt, but if you didn't see that coming I'm not sure you even listen to this podcastAt least three video game references in here, none of which are at all current because we're old as hellBrady Hoke, Ohio State Offensive Coordinator is proposedMark Dantonio is Santa now, warn your childrenMade up Springsteen songs aplenty Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Colorado won 10 games last year, and it's entirely possible that your team didn't. In fact, this is almost certainly true if you root for a different member of the Pac-12 South (ok fine USC is good and fun, we get it). But this is 2017, and now it's time to talk about:How far the Buffs fall back this seasonWhy Utah football is the opposite of ginThe man who saw USC win 9 national titles and then died in the Rose Bowl parking lot, possibly as an intentional inconvenience to UCLAThe spectacular badness of Arizona StateThe unspectacular badness of ArizonaJim Mora's path to pre-Halloween job freedom runs through Memphis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

ACC Coastal time! At least once we spend a few minutes talking about The Price Is Right and Monopoly and sadness, but they're sort of on topic actually. Then we discuss:Why Brad Kaaya was very smart to leaveThe meaninglessness of UVA in 2017Georgia Tech, the ACC's best roller coasterHow Pitt loses four games and breaks the Playoff system completelyA caller predicts that Virginia Tech loses 10 gamesWho's older: David Cutcliffe or Vladimir Putin?Larry Fedora's failure to develop his Instagram Leg game Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Our march to Week 1 continues with a look at the Big Ten's Michigan/Ohio State/Penn State-less division, the West! Points of discussion include: - Wisconsin's return to easy mode scheduling after a year contending with anything but - Why Iowa-Iowa State must be respected - Unless Iowa just loses to Wyoming to start the season - Nebraska and death by balloon - How P.J. Fleck winds up in Knoxville thanks to Minnesota - Purdue's possible return to master of the "oh shit what's happening now" channel change - Why Spencer just wants Illinois to be quiet - Ryan gets fed up with Pat Fitzgerald; is summarily mocked by his cohosts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

HUGE COACHING NEWS which we don't even get to until over halfway through this episode. That's the kind of pure professionalism you can expect from the Shutdown Fullcast and our preview of the Big 12, which includes: - Recruiting powerhouse Kansas - A selection of streaks Iowa State could, in theory, end - Oklahoma State's real strange road trip plans - Continued expectations for Texas that they can't possibly reach - Oh right the Oklahoma thing - Spencer pulls a Mack Brown Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices