There’s excitement in the air with Odie heading back to school and Em has found herself wistfully thinking of when she was 13, back then she obsessing over Fred Savage from the TV Show ‘The Wonder Years’, and just wanting to be around her teeny tween friends, so she’s impressed with how well Odie has dealt with lockdown. Then there’s time to reflect on Em’s recent appearance on the podcast of her old radio boss Craig, they haven’t talked in a really long time and Em wasn’t even keen on the idea initially, but then she decided to pull on her big girl pants and have at it. So Em finally got to vent a bunch of negative feelings and as a result it actually turned into a very healing experience. Then Michael returns to help Em sort through the latest developments around Victoria’s Covid restrictions, the weekend saw the Government opting for a cautious pausing of restriction lifting in Victoria while they wait for more results. There’s a brand new Sasha Baron Cohen movie called ‘Borat Subsequent Moviefilm’ that’s got social media worked up into a frenzy and Em has a LOT to say about that. Also across the weekend Em and Michael found time to check out some of the latest episodes of the Netflix series ‘My Next Guest Needs No Introduction with David Letterman’. His new season of guests includes Kim Kardashian West, Robert Downey Jr., Dave Chapelle and the always amazing Lizzo so there’s LOTS to chat about, plus there’s also Adele’s appearance on ‘Saturday Night Live’ to work through too. So this episode of Emsolation is really a pop culture bonanza with a sprinkling of reminiscing and vengeful podcast venting thrown in, so situation normal really. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

If there’s one thing we can thank this pandemic for, besides endless memes and a variety of artisan baking skills, it’s gotta be all the soul searching and reflection that we’ve been able to do on ourselves whilst in lockdown. Nothing quite says global pandemic like being left alone to dwell on your own thoughts and insecurities, whilst being surrounded by all the useless things you shoved into a trolley during a panic buy you did before lockdown kicked in. So it’s no surprise that the Emsolation podcast has offered up some huge realisations and thoughts during its existence. In this episode’s introduction, Em reveals how it’s taken her 30 odd years of intense scrutiny and judgement of her own body, to finally cut it some slack, and she’s never felt better. Em’s realised how much she’s been obsessing over her diet for so long, and to no end really, so huzzah to cutting ourselves some slack. Once the introduction is sorted then Em and Michael take all of us on a journey that begins with Michael’s beloved Brett Sutton being under fire, there’s hits on Gladys, there’s also hits on Jacinda’s husband Clarke again. That then gently unfolds into a discussion about why Em and Michael are no longer willing to address Britney’s instagram account anymore, plus there’s also the announcement from ‘Tiger King’s’ arch nemesis, Carole Baskin, that she’s bisexual. As Em said in her rundown of what was in the episode so I could write this description, “oh look, it goes everywhere” which she then swiftly followed up with a giggle and then this explain “we were both sleep deprived and scattered, in fact the podcast could be called sleep deprived and scattered today”. So if this podcast isn’t titled as such, then you know they’re either lying, or they’re so sleep deprived and scattered that they’ve even forgotten their own snazzy episode name. Regardless, you’re assured a wonderful, meandering, but equally hectic listen as you’ve come to expect, so plug in and press play NOW. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

There’s been a bunch of relaxing on the various lockdown laws for Victorians over the weekend, so to begin with Em and Michael discuss the easing of restrictions, Em thinks they should have gone further, Michael on the other hand is standing by Dan. Then it’s onto the stunning victory Jacinda Adern secured in the recent New Zealand election, obviously we are totes in love with her, but to ensure balance and prove this podcast isn’t one eyed, Em took on the task of doing a deep dive into why some people aren’t actually that supportive of Jacinda. Most of us can’t even imagine why anyone would be anti Jacinda, so Em was keen to try and understand the arguments coming from the other side, so she can be confident in her arguments as well. Besides her deep dive findings, there’s also time to celebrate Jacinda’s hubby Clarke coming to the aid of the reporters awaiting the election results on the night. He provided them with a selection of nibbles, hors d’oeuvres and some lovely cooked fish, as you do, or maybe you don’t, but huzzah to Clarke for coming up with a variety of options none the less. From Jacinda and Clarke’s wedded bliss we pivot onto the not so happily ever after being experienced by the actor from ‘The Wire’ and the aptly titled ‘The Affair’, Dominic West, who’s been caught out having an actual affair with his co-star Lily James. Apparently when the story broke Dominic did the totally not unusual “rush home to be with his wife” thing and then followed that up with a very weird press conference together at their front gate. The other thing worth obsessing over though is the totally random inclusion of the handwritten note that was also left, just to assure us all that everything is totes rock solid with their marriage, phew lucky they did that or we totally wouldn’t be convinced huh . Finally there’s much to be said about Michael giving himself the moniker of ‘The Enchanted Seahorse of Hope’ as a rival to Em’s not so encouraging, but equally as engaging, ‘Magical Unicorn of Death’. It makes you wonder which one of these mythical beings of hope/destruction would win in a fight. Also can enchanted seahorses actually survive out of water long enough to even make an impact against a unicorn who has magical death vibes? So many questions, and yet most of them end with the Death Unicorn coming out triumphant. Oh well, maybe you can try to imagine the mythical rumble of said freaky friends while you enjoy another comforting episode of Emsolation. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dilemma Doctors: Em and Michael assist listener Melissa with a saucy love conundrum! Melissa is considering dating a woman who is polyamorous, she has always been in monogamous relationships but is VERY tempted by her new pal. What will Em and Michael advise?! You’ll have to listen to find out! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Em’s Dad Vincie is celebrating his 69th birthday, so we start our 69th episode reflecting on the glorious lunatic that he is, and we could also just have a slice of cake, or a cupcake, or some kind of chocolate about it as well huh, just to celebrate it...you know, properly. Once that’s done, we delve into the ridiculous standard of productivity Em used to consider completely necessary when we weren’t living under restrictions. In lockdown Em’s realised that all the things she was making and doing last year whilst just running on adrenaline, was unhealthy, and she wasn’t even enjoying herself while doing it. So the pandemic has meant slowing down and re-adjusting those expectations which has left her feeling way more settled, so now it’s just about marrying up the two and finding the right balance. Then we head into a hectic session of Em and Michael discussing Gladys Berejiklian’s personal relationship with Darryl Maguire, they cover off what’s been happening with the ICAC (Independent Commision Against Corruption) investigation, there’s some reflection time allocated to the dodgy boyfriends Em and Michael have had in the past and then somehow we also get some more podcast role play from both of them, because of course we do. This time around you’ll be able to experience a pretend Premiers Zoom meeting where none of the people’s names have been changed to protect the innocent, because none of them are innocent, duh. Michael returns as Daniel Andrews and Em takes on the role she probably never expected she’d have to, but here we are, she’ll bring Gladys Berejiklian to life, apparently it’s interesting (that interesting might have been delivered with laughs and a rising questioning tone at the end) and Em also said “I don’t know how we got there, but we did” so bless. Once you’ve experienced that there’s just enough time to cover off why Michael has suddenly found himself unable to watch Masterchef, even though he’s known for worshipping at the heels of Melissa Leong and lusting over Jock Zonfrillo...and maybe that’s part of the problem, you’ll find out within. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It’s been epiphany central at Em’s over the weekend, these things tend to happen when you dwell on thoughts about people who kind of hate you. This is not in any way a spoiler alert, but it’s something Em sometimes obsesses about, and by sometimes...I mean way too much. When Em was a twenty something, other people’s hatred kind of fueled her and drove her on, now it doesn’t sit so well. Over time Em’s realised she's more interested in having a life that feels as good as it can feel, which is why she’s so open and honest online. In sharing her struggles, it allows her to get them out of her own head, whilst hopefully helping other people feel better in their lives too. Em described this intro as being like a shower ramble, it’s basically a massive verbal spew of all the stuff she thought about while she had insomnia over the weekend, so you have her permission to skip it all if you’re not up for the full download, pffft good one. Em may have also admitted that she uses the start of this podcast as her own personal one way therapy session, which for Em is really the ultimate therapy session hehe. Then Michael returns to help deliver a brief rundown on the hectic meme cycle that kicked into action after that fly appeared on the Vice Presidential Debate, turns out 10 minutes after it landed on Pence, Em was officially done with the fly memes, swift result. There’s also the stunt that Trump apparently wanted to do when he left the hospital, Em and Michael actually think his idea was amazing and they’re actually disappointed he didn’t actually deliver on it. Then it’s time for a full deep dive into ‘Emily in Paris’ on Netflix, Em has a very complicated relationship with it, her pros are it’s from Darren Star who created shows like ‘Beverly Hills, 90210’, ‘Melrose Place’ and ‘Sex in the City’ but it’s also got lots of problematic issues too, especially if you’re actually French, Em figures you’re probably annoyed if that's the case. Ultimately Em hated it and loved it in equal measure, yes she consumed it very quickly, and yes they really go there and break it down. Then finally, because of course there’s more, in Melbourne it seems like everyone is battling with this last little bit of lockdown, it kind of feels like we’ve run the marathon, only to trip and stumble just 10 minutes from the finish line, so we’ll delve into that too. So take a deep breath and dive right in.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week Em and Michael help Nikita (not her real name, but she wanted a sexy spy name so we chose Nikita) Nikita is getting married and has a difficult relationship with her mother, she wants to know if it’s okay to not invite her along to the big wedding dress shopping trip. It should be known that Em and Michael clash violently on the appropriate course of action, whose side will YOU be on?! I’m with Em, because she’s my boss.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It’s the one thing we’ve probably all been desperate to obtain, so it’s hardly surprising that Em and Michael are feeling it too, hence they’ve decided that this episode of Emsolation will be a Trump free zone. They just need a break from the toxic Cheeto wizard right now, and we’re pretty sure that no one, aside from Donald himself, is about to disagree with that decision. Instead they’ll focus more on the lighter stuff, like two shows they really love at the moment. For instance, there’s a famous podcast that’s just been turned into a documentary series on Netflix, it’s called ‘Song Exploder’ and it’s basically where musicians take apart their songs, and piece by piece, tell the story of how they were made. The debut series follows artists like Michael Stipe from R.E.M., Alicia Keys, Ty Dolla $ign and Lin-Manual Miranda, the creator of the hugely successful musical ‘Hamilton’, all revealing the process of how they created one of their greatest songs. Obviously Em and Michael absolutely LOVED it and they both cried their way through it as well. They then talk about Rihanna and her recent lingerie show for her Savage X Fenty - Volume 2 range. Em got emotional because she felt finally represented, there were real women doing the modelling, you could see their actual skin properly, with the lighting showing off the beauty of their stretch marks, the cellulite, their tan lines, just all of the things that normal people have, that the beauty industry tries to make us believe doesn’t exist. So again they absolutely loved it, and they’re both really feeling how Rihanna has morphed into this cool creative overlord now. So prepare for a delightful traipse through a podcast episode devoted to a bit of escapism and filled to the brim with delightful things for our ears and eyes, Em and Michael loved it, and we’re pretty sure you will too. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

First up we talk about Chrissy Teigen announcing the devastating loss of her son Jack and Em’s decision to speak about it on The Project. It’s not something Em originally wanted to talk about, but she also realised that she has made a commitment to talk about pregnancy loss in the hope it helps to remove the stigma and encourages other women to share their experiences with each other. Then it’s on to Trump and his positive test for Covid, as Em and Michael were recording this episode they actually got the news that he’d been released from hospital, so huzzah for some actual breaking news while in record mode for a podcast. They also cover off the doctors giving a different diagnosis to the White House, Michael is convinced that they also edited footage of Trump coughing out of the official videos he released, plus there’s the photo of Trump signing a piece of paper, which lead to questions around whether the paper he was signing was blank or not. There’s also time to talk about the documentary ‘Class Action Park’ that Michael has been watching. It’s about a really shonky amusement park in the 80’s that became famous for unsafe rides, underage and under trained employees, and alcohol consumption on premises, which naturally combined to result in a bunch of deaths. Anyway that blatant disregard for safety helped usher in a bunch of reminiscing about how shonky 80’s parenting actually was. Sure we had a lot of fun and it was a great decade, but it was also the only decade where you could truly be a negligent parent and actually get away with it. How so many of us actually survived that decade, probably needs to be researched and talked about on a deeper level, but for now we’ll just dip our toes in the memories of how hectic our childhoods were and share a few laughs about it. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This weeks Dilemma involves Janey, her soon to be turning 14 year old daughter and the Colonel. Janey is a theme queen - her daughter, not so much and when you're stuck in the Melbourne covid lockdown, there's a limit to the party planning you can do. Or is there? Can Em and Michael find an answer? And what's the Colonel got to do with it? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

After revealing her traumatising school swim carnival experience in our previous episode, Em opens this episode by issuing a challenge for everyone listening to pass on their embarrassing puberty stories to the children in their life, in an effort to help normalize that experience and lessen the shame that surrounds young bodies as they’re changing. For instance, when the writer of this podcast description was a developing teenager, he chose to attack all the new furry growth on my pants region with my father's dry razor, and then show my younger brothers so they wouldn’t harass me about having hair down there. In hindsight that probably wasn’t a great idea, it opened me up to even more ridicule from my brothers, who also told their friends, plus the experience of having an itch down there from shaving rash when you’re 13, isn’t a fun ride either. Lesson learnt, and perhaps if my parents had helped normalise the changes my body was experiencing, I wouldn’t have introduced myself to manscaping so early. So Em is encouraging you to share those times when your body went rogue as a kid, but also keep it age appropriate, there’s no point freaking them out too early. Michael returns to help Em talk through the steaming shit pile that was the US Presidential debate, Em is willing to declare a winner, Michael does no such thing. Then it’s on to JK Rowling and her transphobic comments and how much that has been affecting people who love the Harry Potter books. Em has recently been grappling with that problem because her youngest daughter Odette is right into Harry Potter at the moment, which raises the question about whether you can separate the artist from their art. To wrap things up, Em and Michael are  basically trying to start a movement by urging Dan Andrews to give himself a break, they think it’s time to issue him with a #DayOffDan. So if you’re ready to get on board with that idea, and everything else we’ve flagged above, assume your favourite listening position and enjoy See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I know reality TV has ruined the word ‘journey’ for each and every one of us, so in approaching the writing of the description for this episode, I went searching for another word that would help describe the odyssey (that’s the first one, more to come hehe) you’re about to launch into. We begin this episode with all all the ouchy wah wah info on Em and her sore ankle, she had to be cut from her huffy puffy workout wear and it’s ruined her new running schedule, but also, she’s confined to the couch, so maybe her ankles did this deliberately. Anyway once that’s done, it’s onto all the stuff that’s been going on with Victoria’s Labor Party, which includes Jenny Mikakos leaving, Dan easing restrictions for Victorians and Em and Michael admitting that they don’t really care who’s responsible, they basically just want them to get on with it. There’s also time to delve into what’s going on in the US with Donald Trump’s tax return and his choice for the new Supreme Court Judge to replace Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Then our aural expedition (another word for journey) heads off into painful story town, this one is actually inspired by Em’s latest binge watching obsession of the new series on Stan called ‘Pen15’. It’s a comedic story about middle school as seen through the eyes of two 7th grade girls dealing with the awkwardness of being a teenager. This TV series has given Em the confidence to reveal a story that she’s been keeping to herself for a VERY long time. It basically involves a tampon and a school sport carnival, so you already get that this expedition, this sojourn, this actual jaunt into Em’s past, has left her describing it as “quite the journey” (sometimes journey truly is the best option, curse you reality TV) anyway there’s twists and turns, Michael almost couldn’t keep listening and wondered if he’d be able to see it through. So maybe you should just make sure you prepare yourself to relive a smidge of high school trauma, but then ultimately, hopefully, you’ll come out the other side feeling better. Good luck everyone. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Remember when you used to race to get Dolly magazine the second it came out from the news agency?! First you’d rip the free blue eyeshadow off that was stuck to the cover, briefly pause to have a smell of the new impulse fragrance and then you’d go quickly to the Dolly doctor section! There you’d find questions about nipples, pubes and intimate smells... Well this is kind of the podcast version of that, except not really. Em and Michael are the Dilemma Doctors and they’re here to solve your dilemmas! No dilemma is too big or too small. But maybe let’s keep them petty so we can be funny about it. Enjoy the first instalment of the Dilemma Doctor’s, Em and Michael help a man to figure out how to tell his partner he’s not very good at giving gifts. FUN! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Before we start, you might like to secure your tray tables and tighten your seatbelt because Em has issued a warning that this episode is an emotion charged, passionate discussion filled edition of the podcast and you’re gonna need to strap your shit in. To begin with we discuss Ellen’s apology and it’s a full deep dive, we talk ALL of the things from the backlash and her outfit choice, to the way the audience was shown and what we think will happen next. Then it’s onto Dan Andrews and we also briefly touch on hot Auslan’s pants package, although NO TOUCHING, just a teeny touch of discussion in and around it. Obviously we still wanna remain respectful of his valuable and wonderful work and make sure we don’t cross the lines of decency on someone just doing their job. Em then drops her theory around Dan and how she reckons he will definitely replace Albo as the leader of the Labor Party for Federal Government, Em is also obsessed with his wife Catherine. Then hold your breath for another deep, deep dive as they dissect the brand new Paris Hilton documentary, so that’s all of the things that make this a tighten your straps type of episode. In fact, at the time of writing Em wasn’t even sure what her intro would contain, but she assures us it won’t be too much because everything else recorded with Michael was as hefty as the pants of that guy doing Auslan at the press conference, too much? Probably, but I couldn’t resist the rather obvious comparison, oh and we should also add that Em stood up THREE TIMES during the recording, ya huh she actually stood up three times because she got so overwrought. She also had to apologise to everyone at the end of it AND she woke up her children, it was HECTIC. So clutch your figurative pearls and secure all of the straps and enjoy. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It’s reflection time as we begin this podcast, and that doesn’t mean we are looking at ourselves in the mirror, but obviously if we are, then LOOK at how fierce we look. Anyway the type of reflection we’re talking about is the sort that Em needs right now to help inspire her to keep getting out of bed during lockdown. She needs to look for the lessons learnt and the silver linings, it’s just how her brain functions. So we open this podcast with a chat about all the positive things that have come out of being in lockdown, and here’s the hot tip, turns out even Em was pleasantly surprised at how many there actually were. Then Michael joins Em to talk about Ruth Bader Ginsburg, in particular her amazing marriage to her husband Marty, which actually helped Em to reflect on hers, and how Em and Scott figured out how to stop fighting. Turns out it was surprisingly simple when they finally cottoned onto it. Then it’s onto Miley Cyrus saying she faked it with Liam Henderson, Em and Michael are not about that, their national pride reared up and they get super protective over Liam. Speaking of being protective, they’re also having none of bogans thinking they can use John Farnham’s You’re The Voice for their anti-mask rallies. I think Em expressed it well when she sent me the rundown for this description by simply saying “NOT. OKAY., okay?”. Plus there’s also time to cover off how Em got accidentally day drunk on Rosé on Sunday, doesn’t seem very accidental to me but here we are. The full explain is within this podcast, so grab your headphones and have at it like Em attacks a glass of Rosé, with large gulps and lots of satisfying exhales throughout. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We first heard from Liz on the "Live from the Roadside" episode back in May. Liz sent Em and Scotty a message asking for some help when she went for a promotion. Fast forward to this week and Liz has sent in another message, and let's just say, things are looking up. Good on ya Liz!   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Need some advice? In the intro for this episode, Em presents us with the idea of her upcoming advice segment, it’s kind of like that grand tradition of obsessively turning pages to get to the Dolly Doctor section, but without any page turning, or help from whoever the hell Dolly was, or even any Doctors. Basically Em and her bestie Michael are going to take on your dilemmas and offer up a world of thought provoking and thoroughly unique advice. Their speciality is petty stuff, with petty family arguments naturally being their strong suit, so start thinking about what advice you’ve been hankering for and get amongst it, they start doing it from next week. Then it’s onto a documentary update as Em and Michael offer up their latest favourites, with Em choosing something uplifting with ‘My Octopus Teacher’ which is about a burnt out filmmaker who befriends and in a non creepy way kinda falls in love with an octopus and learns some life lessons as a result. Not so uplifting, but equally important, is Michael’s choice of ‘The Social Dilemma’ which is a terrifying deep dive into why social media is basically set up to doom us and usher in the end of the world, thankfully there is some advice on how we can change and avoid that. Then there’s a dick pic wrap up which takes in Chris Evans reaction to his dick pic slip up, and that’s followed up by the story of the ADF Officer who was busted “entertaining” a lady in his hotel room while he’s in quarantine. Obviously Em and Michael don’t condone that sort of behaviour, but they also have to acknowledge that they do love the fact that she’s a 53 year old sassy woman spending quality time with a 26 year old ADF officer. Is this the 365 Days sequel we’ve all been craving, but again, they don’t condone breaches of quarantine, but also again, it’s pretty saucy. So step up to another episode filled with all the kind of eclectic goodness you didn’t even realise your ears were craving.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We got a bunch of feedback from you over the last few days, so we’re using that to start things off in today's episode. Some of you lovely listeners have lamented the loss of Em’s opening monologue, where she normally talks about life, her thoughts and the such and such that's been floating around in her mind. So she addresses that to begin with, there’s also time to address some of Em and Michael’s diet talk from last week, some of you reached out to say they felt there was a bit of fat shaming happening in that convo, naturally Em’s had some time to think about that, and she shares all the conclusions she’s come to around that. So it actually turns out we have a very long opening monologue as a result of all of that, so ask and ye shall receive, although maybe some of you will regret ye asking for the return of the opening monologue...pfft as if. Then Em and Michael do a very extensive deep dive into the Chris Evans, aka Captain America, dick pic saga, where he accidentally leaked a camera roll shot that included something he probably never intended to expose, a fleshy tent pole. Content warning obviously as this proves to be an extensive deep dive, they really take it there, in fact Em is even suggesting that you will probably come out the other side of this conversation with a Bachelor in Dick Pics, I genuinely can’t see what the problem is with that. Then it’s onto the live action remake of the Disney movie ‘Mulan’ (fun fact - when Em says Mulan she can’t do it without sounding like Kath Day Knight, it’s totally adorbs) anyway this movie is super problematic, but Em still loved the strong female lead. Finally there’s just enough time to focus on the adjustments to Victoria’s lockdown tweaks, which now allow single people to choose a bubble buddy that they can spend time with, and how one woman is actually auditioning people to see if they’re worthy of being her bubble buddy. Obviously this podcast is the only bubble buddy you need, so fill the bath, sink below the bubbles and get your listen on at your earliest convenience. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

After Em and Michael decided a new lockdown extension was the perfect time to re-commit to losing the extra weight they’ve added during the first two lockdowns, New Lockdown, New Us was born. So it makes sense for Em and Michael to begin this episode with a full rundown of their health journey so far. That journey got off to a rocky start with Em experiencing a teensy hiccup on night one, where she found herself secretly eating in bed at 11pm. She can totally justify it though, which she naturally does, that leads into a game of Justify My Food (yes Em sings the intro live, and yes it’s Madonna inspired and squeal, I know right, so excited) anyway this game sees Michael offering up various food items, which Em then justifies by offering up the perfect reason for why it’s okay to eat each one, no matter how bad it is for you, trust us, it’s a very special skill. We’ll also talk about Em’s new self appointed title - Queen of the Magpies. She’s convinced she is now one of them, having been accepted into their feathered community. We then move onto the recommendation from the Victorian Deputy Chief Health Officer, Dr Nick Coatsworth that we all make our beds, and maybe try some housework to help us get through the new lockdown extension. Understandably Em had some very strong thoughts to share around that, then inspired by Daniel Andrews talking about sex, and the difference between friends and intimate partners, during a recent press conference, Michael impersonates Dan explaining sex to his son. There’s also time to talk through the announcement that ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ is ending after 20 seasons, and how Em has an odd respect for that family. She actually doesn’t judge them as much as you might think she probably would, because naturally Em respects a strong matriarch that’s getting shit done. That being said, she probably wouldn’t sell her childs sex tape...but everything else she gets, they’re husslers, and she can respect that. So once again, it’s a heady mix of all of the things, but we can justify that, so sit down and enjoy another substantial feed of delectable audio delights, with a hefty seasoning of laughs throughout. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Get ready for a very special toddler themed treat to kick things off, because there’s a lovely little performance of Elio’s good morning song at the beginning of this episode. That teensy little adorable munchkin of delight that is Elio just happened to be seated on his mother's lap as we began the show, so we now have the one and only recording of Em’s world famous good morning song for everyone to enjoy, so huzzah to that. That done it’s then onto a surprisingly optimistic chat between Em and Michael about the new lockdown situation in Victoria, they’re feeling that it’s not going to be as long as everyone thinks. They’ve also got the feels for all the beauticians unable to work right now, however their sadness over that situation is also tinged with an element of fear on their behalf. There’s a tsunami of pubic hair that has been allowed to grow and cultivate itself over the last few months, and Em and Michael are worried that most beauticians are totally unaware that their Olympics are just around the corner, and their trophies will end up being overstuffed garbage bags, filled to the brim with unwanted body carpeting. New lockdown extensions have also inspired the ushering in of the new Em and Michael, they’re going to lose the weight that they’ve both put on in the last two lockdowns. So they’re seeing this as their final chance to emerge from their individual cocoons, as beautiful, fit, healthy butterflies. They’ve committed to it, it’s going to happen, so far, so good...but that was what was happening on day one, so who knows where they are right now. There’s also time to reveal how Em was invited to be a part of one particular reality show and why Em ultimately decided to say NO. Hot tip from Em, she laughed A LOT during this episode, there was a lot of laughing, so expect to join in and maybe grab a towel if too much laughing compromises your pelvic floor area, just saying. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode, with Em and her hubby Scott celebrating their 20th anniversary during the week, Em and her bestie Michael will deep dive into a chat about long term relationships, covering everything from how they last, to the different attributes of Michaels relationship compared to Em’s relationship. Then it’s on to the new book about Melania Trump written by her ex best friend called ‘Melania and Me - The Rise and Fall of My Friendship with the First Lady’ which naturally leads to the admission that Michael is the one and ONLY person that could write a tell all book about Em. Unfortunately for Michael, because he has LOTS of close friends, they realise he would be screwed on multiple levels if all of his close friends decided to write an exposé on him. Also in a very ‘how dare he, off with his head’ type moment, Michael refers to Em as Trump, saying that she can be very Trump like, I’m shook just writing that, so no doubt this will be a testing moment for their friendship. There’s also a new TV show obsession that’s just casually wandered into Em’s life called ‘The Casketeers’ that follows a New Zealand couple, Francis and Kaiora Tipene, who own and run Tipene Funerals. Em is describing it as “just the greatest show, Francis is the campest straight man on the face of the planet and we have so many things in common, including our love of leaf blowers” so there’s all of that to work through too. In fact ‘The Casketeers’ is such a life affirming show, that it’s completely changed Em’s perspective on death and she’s now no longer afraid of dying because of this show. There’s actually so much television to consume that Michael’s also got two other TV shows that he thinks everyone needs to watch, and they are ‘I May Destroy You’ and ‘I Hate Suzie’. All of that will eventually wrap up once Em decides it’s time to get out of her pyjamas and put on a winged eyeliner as a special treat for her husband. You however are welcome to stay in PJ’s and consume this with or without a winged eyeliner of course. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Let's start by saying that when I got the recorded explainer from Em for this episode, so I could actually write this description for you, I fully got to the end of it, burst out laughing and said out loud to an empty room...WHAT? Which clearly means there's a lot to unpack, but isn’t there always? To begin, just know that within this episode, Em and Michael will tackle topics like death, cultural appropriation and Victorian politics, so already it’s nothing but light and fluffy content kids. We should also flag please don’t @ them with whack comments, as a lot of what Em and Michael do in every episode of this podcast is workshop themselves in front of the microphone. They are in no way here to school anyone, they recognise and are well aware that that’s not their job, this is just their way of work shopping things for themselves out loud. Obviously there’s chat about the passing of Chadwick Boseman, which leads into a talk about how there needs to be more conversations around death by young people, which hopefully could result in all of us living better lives and not sweating the small stuff. There’s also another social post from Adele to work through, every time she posts something it usually stops the world, so that’s no surprise. This time she’s copping it online for cultural appropriation having posted a picture of herself wearing her hair in Bantu knots and a bikini top of the Jamaican flag. They’ll also cover off the State of Emergency that Dan has announced in Victoria and the freak outs that are going on as a result, and they’ll try and explain why it’s all needed, so more out loud workshopping here obviously. Finally they’ll also briefly touch on Brad Pitt’s new girlfriend being in an open marriage, plus there’s Em’s newest obsession, which is a TV show that involves a man, 20 wives and a female bounty hunter. So get ready for another edition of all of that, and so much more, and don’t ever say we didn’t warn you what to expect.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

To celebrate fifty whole episodes of Emsolation we’ve put together the top ten moments since the show was birthed in April, as voted by you! Expect Britney, Brett and the Bobbitts to make an appearance and of course our favourite sexy kidnapper will pop his head up too. You won’t feel lost baby girl, after reliving the hilarity and confusion of the first fifty episodes of Emsolation! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Emsolation podcast is celebrating its 50th episode, so huzzah, send us gifts, tell us how young and taut we look, and throw in something about this being the new 30th episode or some such complimentary thing. Together Em and Michael delve into the Republican National Convention, which was ushering Melania Trump up to the microphone as they started recording this episode. So naturally they fully got to witness her entrance, her outfit, and the full catwalk moment she delivered as well. All things considered, it was a pretty gentle speech to be honest, the same couldn’t be said for Donald Trump Junior's girlfriend Kimberley Guilfoyle though. Her speech was a LOT. Kimberley may look like a glamorous beauty pageant contestant, but she’s also fully terrifying as well, mostly because she just yelled at us during the entire speech. Em did admit though that she was impressed with how committed Kimberley was to that role. Sure, what she said was horrible, but the way she presented it was very effective, and she no doubt achieved her goal of appealing to their base. So whilst what she said was horrendous, for anyone saying it wasn’t effective, you just have to look at how we’re all talking about it...job well done it would seem. There’s also a bunch of other whoopsie moments to cover off for the Republican Party, including the poolboy that’s come forward to reveal he’s been having a 7 year long affair with the wife of ultraconservative evangelical leader and prominent Trump supporter, Jerry Falwell Jr. We also talk through Michael’s moral dilemma with his favourite hairdresser, who apparently cuts a mean hairstyle Michael loves, but also might be a Covid denier as well, so now he’s not entirely sure what to do. Plus Em attended a funeral for a magpie, a funeral that she organised because she’s clearly reached her peak Covid emotional state. There’s also a special bonus edition of Emsolation on the way for you to enjoy, featuring the Top Ten moments from the last 50 episodes as chosen by you, so prepare yourself for extra moments of us being extra. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week we’ve moved from Em’s patented four phases of bench cleaning, to rooting around in the attic. That’s where Em has stuffed all her previous show wardrobes and just anything else from her life that needed to just be rammed into boxes. Naturally so it can never be acknowledged or addressed ever again. Lockdown life means she decided to tackle all of that and actually stumbled on something that was kinda traumatic. It reminded Em that every time she thinks she’s making progress on herself as a person, she’ll hit a roadblock that makes her think all the other work she’s done before that, doesn’t really count for anything, but really when she’s has a bad day or bad thoughts, it’s just a part of that...journey (vomit we hate that word, thanks reality TV). So yes, Em really did get all of that from the simple act of cleaning out her roof, what of it? Then Em and Michael talk about The Masked Singer being shut-down and how the anger towards that show being filmed during a pandemic is unnecessary. The fact that they both work on or in TV doesn’t mean they’re biased, they promise. Melania Trump has redone the White House Rose Garden, which helped convince Em that Melania isn’t actually a victim or a long suffering wife, but rather the power player in that couple. The Republican National Convention is happening this week too, so Em and Michael are excited. They also talk about the Netflix doco ‘John Was Trying To Contact Aliens’ which is a joyous film of just 16 minutes, perfectly catering to Em’s attention span. You’ll also get an appearance from both Rational Em and Stabby Em, plus there’s a discussion of Em’s version of Dolly World, except her version would mostly be just a really terrifying roller coaster ride to represent her inner monologue. So you pretty much need to be this emotionally tall to get onto this ride or episode, so grab your tickets, join the queue and no pushing. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.