The lads celebrate reaching a quarter of a century by revisiting the Alien franchise. Here's a HOT TAKE for you: we quite like this one.

The lads take a bite out of Dracula, hammering home why this sucks. (Jim Duggan intensifies)

A budgie is shoved into the microwave by a lamp. What more do you people want?!

Get up, come on get down with the sickness Get up, come on get down with the sickness Get up, come on get down with the sickness Open up your hate, and let it flow into me

Seriously, Dan, you just spent thousands of dollars on a top-of-the-range security system and you won't even check your DVR when spooky shit happens to your daughter, wtf are you doing you utter gammon? twitter.com/cinemortuary...

The lads try getting back to normal, or as normal as it gets, in the aftermath of Blair Witch: Book of Shadows. Chris has apparently murdered a man, Dave got hitched, Rob's recovering from a 4am McDonalds, and god knows where Big Rich has gone.

YOU LET BIG RICH DO A PODCAST???

You have two choices for the different second film: go to New York or go to space. Thankfully Fin and his shark-specific tornadoes opt for the Big Apple, where he's surrounded by celebrities I think we're meant to recognise. twitter.com/cinemortuary...

This remake of the TV film - put those complaints away - places us right in the middle of the current wave of 1980s nostalgia. Can we expect something different than kids on bikes clowning around like a bunch of goon(ie)s? Well, Stranger Things have...

Oh dear. The lads find themselves stuck in a mental institution with only a nun speaking in nonsensical riddles for company. Their dreams are trying to kill them, and even worse, the guy responsible has developed a taste for terrible puns. Can they...

So we're clear: the maid's body was in the attic before the married couple's because the maid's sequence at the beginning of the film takes place chronologically after the couple move in and it's their corpses the maid sees as she's dragged up and...

Part 2 of CineMortuary's unboxing trilogy and Dave's at it again choosing films that are horror in name only (granted the first Blade was quite goretacular). We're too excited from seeing Danny John Jules in a non-Red Dwarf role to care....

The first part of CineMortuary's unboxing trilogy sees Rob deliver a near-literal turd in a box. That's why we're dipping back into John Carpenter remake territory with the 2005 remake of The Fog - where atmospherics and Jamie Lee Curtis have been...

Our last episode featured a film so obscure, we've made an effort to synergetically put our ducks in a row and target our key demographics in order to enhance the CineMortuary experience. Who'd have thought reviewing a modern film would shoot us into...

Somewhere in Spain, exactly 500 years ago tonight, Dailymotion was created as a rival to YouTube. But it was a bit bollocks and uncool so everyone forgot about it. What will happen when the king of obsolete formats gives the other two hosts a reason...

No clues. No motives. A city full of suspects. Solving this case is going to be murder. Well darn. www.cinemortuary.com TWITTER: twitter.com/cinemortuary FACEBOOK: facebook.com/cinemortuary INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/cinemortuary

Amazing Cage, how sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now am found, Was blind, NO NOT THE BEES. www.cinemortuary.com TWITTER: twitter.com/cinemortuary FACEBOOK: facebook.com/cinemortuary INSTAGRAM:...

"It's not a horror film though, is it?" The thing is, if Dave hadn't been put on the spot he would've chosen something more gore-tastic. And if Chris hadn't screwed up his calendar, we could've scheduled this episode for New Year's Day as The Mummy...

Having travelled beyond the Long Hard Road Out of Hell (aka 2017), This Is the New Shit. Rob, Chris, and Dave review the House of Haunted Hill remake; where instead of some Disposable Teens, we have The Nobodies. They better Get their Gunns (from...

The final episode of 2017 takes us into the realms of weird space flowers, weird sports zombies, and weird Jeff Goldblum wandering onto the set until they were forced to put him in the film. Chris (sponsored by water®) explains why the 1956 is his...

It's the second round of Dave's Laserdisc shitbin. This time we look at Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (1994), which IMDB describes as follows: Based on Kenneth Branagh's novel, "Kenneth Branagh" tells the story of Kenneth Branagh, a promising young...

Rob, Dave, and Chris bring that beat back as we dive headfirst into 2001. We talk about Drowning Pool, The Matrix, and the fashion sense straight outta Buffy the Vampire Slayer. You can hear the nostalgia in our voices - we may even go and get frosted...

In 2007, Rob's favourite film was remade by the (at the time) hottest horror director in Hollywood. Now ten years later, Dave and Chris make him relive what turned out to be one of his worst viewing experiences, because we love him that much. Can the...

This time we dive deep into Dave's DVD pile of despair. It's a shark film so the Jaws 'references' (if we're being extremely charitable) begin from frame one. We should be angry at the lack of effort all round, but we just get confused over whether...

EPISODE 1. CineMortuary kicks off with a review of a film from the Alien franchise. No, not that one. Nor the other one. Instead we delve into Jean-Pierre Jeunet's extremely subtle masterpiece. Along the way we find who Rob thinks is a "shovel with...