At Multiamory, we generally discourage people from building their relationships on a basis of strict, primary-secondary hierarchy. However, primary-secondary relationships are still very common in the polyamorous community. All three of us have engaged in these kind of relationships at one point or another, for better or worse. In this episode, we talk about the experience of being a secondary partner, and we give our advice to secondaries for crafting relationships that will keep them safe, happy, and sane.

Coming out to partners, family, friends, or co-workers about being polyamorous is an important decision that could potentially change your life and your relationships, for better or worse. In this episode, we run you through the most important risks and benefits to consider before deciding to come out to someone important.

Only 1/3 of the Multiamory crew identifies as male, but social expectations of masculinity have had an influence on all of us. This week we're digging in to the fundamentals of masculinity. What does it mean to "be a man"? What are the classic hallmarks of masculinity, and how are those expectations both hurting and helping us? What's more, we discuss how traditional notions of masculinity sometimes clash with the ideals of polyamory.

Have you ever felt alone on your poly journey? Do your friends or family immediately jump to blaming polyamory for any relationship problems you may have? We've definitely all encountered this and have wished for a better support network. On this episode we talk with two people who created their own Poly Processing Group that has been hugely transformational in the way it helps them and others (including Jase!) get through those tough patches and emotional challenges. In addition to discussing the philosophy behind their group we also talk about ways you can start your own processing group even if you only have a few people to join it.

This week, the Multiamory crew is pissed off. The current political climate has inspired us to vent about a number of topical things that get under our skin: toxic masculinity, sexual harassment, the alt right, and more. In particular, we examine how the polyamorous community is not immune to these things, as well as addressing what steps everyone can take to turn things around.

Most of us enjoy feeling special, particularly to our romantic partners. In traditional relationships, one's specialness is closely linked to exclusivity. You are the person I choose to be monogamous with, therefore you are #1 special person in my life! But when you have multiple partners, this thinking gets turned on its head. This week we discuss how to maintain a sense of specialness in each of your relationships.

For a long time there haven't been many public role models to demonstrate healthy, high-functioning polyamory, in contrast to the many demonstrations of monogamy we see every day on TV, movies, and other corners of the media. It's easy to make mistakes when first venturing down the path of non-monogamy. This week, we take you through five common mistakes made by people first opening up a closed relationship or dabbling in polyamory.

Sustainability means making decisions that address the needs of the present without compromising the needs of the future. The term is most often applied to environmental policy, but how does the concept of sustainability apply to relationships? Are poly relationships more sustainable than monogamous ones?

Having a positive relationship with your metamours can dramatically improve the quality of your relationship landscape. In this episode we cover the who, what, where, when, why, and how of meeting your metamours and setting yourself up for the best possible outcomes.

If you are new to poly or just opening up your relationship, you may come to a realization that is exciting for some and terrifying for others: time to go on first dates! Going on first dates when you're poly presents a whole host of unique benefits and challenges. In this episode, we lay out all the pros and cons of poly dating, as well as our most Zen advice for making each first date enjoyable and fulfilling, even if you don't feel that the chemistry is there.

It's dangerous to go alone...take this! It's the Triforce of Communication! What is that, you ask? The Triforce of Communication, other than being a nerdy title, are the three primary goals of communication in any given conversation or interaction with a partner. Communication breakdowns often occur when you and your partner have mismatched goals. If your partner thinks you are seeking support or acknowledgment when you are actually seeking problem-solving advice, disappointment and frustration can show up faster than you know it. In this episode, we talk about these three different goals, and how you can use the knowledge of these goals to make your communication more effective. Kathy Labriola's original video on communication goals can be found here: <a href="https://youtu.be/CzA5UBDaQcc">https://youtu.be/CzA5UBDaQcc</a>

This week we are discussing the theory of attachment in adults. That may sound daunting, but it's actually quite simple. Your individual attachment style is how you react when a particular relationship experiences separation, threat, or pressure. Some people react by becoming clingy and impulsive, and others react by pushing the other person away. In this episode we discuss the four main categories of attachment style, and how these may manifest differently in multiple relationships.

The Multiamory podcast just turned two years old! Welcome to the terrible twos, baby! On this episode, we give a recap of all the things we've accomplished in the past two years, much of it with the inspiration of our wonderful listeners and fans. We also talk about the personal turning points we've each had in the past year, and how that has changed our lives and our relationships. As an added bonus, we try to make Jase cry.

Your love language is the way in which you express love and prefer to receive love from your partners. Each person has a unique combination of love languages, some stronger than others. You may not realize it, but you and your partner may be speaking different love languages, which can lead to confusion and frustration. If you can determine your love language, as well as that of your partner(s), it can open up a whole new world of effortless communication and intimacy. In this episode, we cover the 5 most common love languages, as well as discuss how knowing about love languages can change your approach to multiple partners.

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Welcome and namaste! This week we are talking about the spiritual side of alternative relationships. Polyamory has long been associated with the free love movement, which in turn has long been associated with the New Age spirituality of hippies. Though modern-day religions tend to condemn polyamorous relationships, there are a number of people in the poly community who closely tie their relationship structure to their spiritual practice. Is it possible to find enlightenment through polyamory?

Sexual orientation and gender identity are currently hot-button topics. The non-monogamous community attracts many people who are exploring alternative identities, but many of the challenges in dating, acceptance, and personal discovery remain the same. How do you operate with grace and confidence in a culture that isn't necessarily fair to everyone?

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes! Change is an unavoidable part of life but that doesn't keep it from being scary sometimes. We have a lot of personal experience with big life changes like moving to new states or countries, deaths of family or friends, transitioning from monogamy to polyamory, and much more. In this episode we discuss some the things we've learned about dealing with change and how to make it as painless as possible. Often one of the most helpful things is knowing that you're not alone in struggling with change. Hopefully our stories and advice about finding community at the times when you need it most will help you with your current changes and also in preparation for the changes that will happen in the future. As the saying goes, "The only constant in life is change," so it's something that all of us can benefit from learning about.

It isn't easy or fun to talk about abuse. Abusive relationships come in many different iterations, and non-monogamous relationships are not exempt from these kinds of unhealthy dynamics. It's difficult for poly folk to speak publicly about abuse, as social stigma discourages many people from sharing any negative or darker aspects of poly relationships. In this episode, we explore how poly relationships in particular can fall victim to emotionally abusive behaviors, as well as how to recognize abusive patterns early on.

Whew, that's a lotta P's! After many discussions inspired by our solo polyamory episode a few weeks ago, we decided to revisit the topics of hierarchy and priority. Some people insist that a primary/secondary hierarchy is the only that works for long-term polyamory. After all, if you want a house, kids, and any other number of long-term relationship milestones, most people choose to do that with a single, primary partner. However, we argue that it is possible to enjoy these things either with one partner or multiple partners, but without resorting to establishing a rigid hierarchy. We explore the idea of organic priority within your relationships, rather than prescribing hierarchal roles.