In which the freethinkers of the Enlightenment take a stab at designing a 100% secular timekeeping system from the ground up, and John wants to be called "Goldenrod." Certificate #44270.

In which we go through the weird list of things glimpsed by noted paranormal researcher Jimmy Carter, including a hissing marsh rabbit and a UFO that the Air Force wants you to think is barium. Certificate #21432.

In which one of the most beloved sitcom stars in America tries out the worst comedy idea of all time, and John has a theory about anti-Semitism in the Aliens movies. Certificate #22400.

In which we explain the squeaky-clean tawdriness of casual dining chains that put all the servers in tank tops, and Ken wonders if you can eat hot wings ironically. Certificate #37739.

In which a chronically ill British woman decides that God wants her to kill a fascist dictator, and Ken and John argue over whether or not an assassination plot needs a chalkboard. Certificate #16114.

In which, after centuries of stagnation, the sport of skiing is revolutionized in a matter of three years, and John is forced to sign a hand-written waiver. Certificate #34056.

In which the rivers of Colombia teem with African hippos due to the excesses of a long-dead drug lord, and Ken suggests introducing Welsh corgis to the Amazon rainforest. Certificate #37768.

In which an MIT fraternity prank creates a new unit of measurement and annoys Boston police, and John wins a million dollars on an imaginary quiz show about Maine. Certificate #50326.

In which a Dutch painter creates surreal hellscapes so mysterious and full of butts that no one knows what he was even thinking, and Ken explains why bagpipes are very, very erotic. Certificate #17086.

In which a funding impasse and clever fast food franchises put a one-of-a-kind stoplight right in the middle of a Pennsylvania interstate, and Ken misremembers who built the Lincoln Highway. Certificate #31424.

In which Sir Isaac Newton adds an extra color to the rainbow to make his mystical, musical math come out right, and John has strong feelings about Satan's marital status. Certificate #26015.

In which John goes to the Caribbean, learns how cruise ships crack 20,000 eggs in a week, and begins to comparison-shop the amazing Rube Goldberg inventions involved. Certificate #27021.

In which an indomitable woman from Provence defies actuaries by living to be 122 years old, shadowy Russian forces try to discredit her, and Ken predicts which Saturday Night Live cast members will be centenarians. Certificate #43762.

In which one tech company's fondest dream—to turn Butterball turkey offal into light crude oil—remains tantalizingly out of reach, and John and Ken worry about whether they're recycling waxed paper correctly. Certificate #26207.

In which a Hollywood ingenue survives her encounters with birds, angry lions, and creepy directors, and survives to become the godmother of one of America's great immigrant business empires. Certificate #28046.

In which a hot dog vendor and an anonymous cabbie invent one of the all-time great American foods, giving Philadelphians classic choices like "Whiz or provolone," "wit' onions or wit'out," and "xenophobia or not." Certificate #6594.

In which the Earth's magnetic field turns the North Pole into the South Pole every few hundred thousand years, and John and Ken discuss what effect this might have on the aurora borealis, ski-bum turtles, and North Dakota tourism. Certificate #41220.

In which one seemingly doomed Colorado rooster lucks into a kind of zombie Charlotte's Web scenario, and Ken and John disagree over whether a "meat puppet" is a kind of food. Certificate #21086.

In which the most trusted man in the state of Kentucky disappears with tobacco sacks full of the state treasury, and John and Ken discover which prominent U.S. government official is almost always a Latina. Certificate #23421.

In which the American railroad provides a semi-legal travel network for millions of migrant laborers, and John explains how a sufficiently blond mustache on a young hobo can ward off evil. Certificate #14946.

In which the French army accepts thousands of rogues and ne'er-do-wells from all over the world, giving them white helmets and a whole lot of wine, and Ken suggests a new method for reheating Hot Pockets. Certificate #36749.

In which one driven girl from the backwoods of Georgia changes the face of aviation, Ken roasts astronaut Scott Carpenter, and John skips class to judge an essay contest. Certificate #39584.

In which travelers to one of the most dangerous places on earth leave so many casualties behind in the "Death Zone" that they literally become part of the map. Certificate #7505.

In which a skilled but self-absorbed Swedish musician leaves his homeland to become a guitar god, and John explains his theory about how neoclassicism ruined rock. Certificate #26394.

In which countless scofflaws, including George Washington, rack up hundreds of thousands of dollars in library fines, and Ken takes home a "spite book." Certificate #29342.