How do you live knowing life can just come undone at a moment’s notice? In the span of a few months, Tig Notaro received three life-threatening illnesses, unexpectedly lost her mom, and went through a breakup. Tig is a brilliant comedian whose real life informs her comedy and has a lot to teach us about living honestly in the face of reality. In this conversation, Kate and Tig discuss: Tig’s “hands-off” parents and her journey of self-discovery, eventually uncovering her talents in the entertainment industry and making her a respected figure in comedy How Tig Notaro's family of “real characters,” served as an abundant source of comedic inspiration in her life (including the best graveyard story ever) How to live alongside fear of what you know could actually happen?

What makes a good life? How would you answer that question? Not just life in the abstract… but what makes YOUR life good? Professor Miroslav Volf teaches a popular class at Yale University which guides students through these kinds of questions and might help us all think a little more deeply about what our lives are adding up to be. In this conversation, Kate and Miroslav discuss: Why just practicing the habits of a good life doesn’t make a life meaningful (hint: we need to be thinking about the ends) Importance of asking questions we don’t always have the answers to How to define joy What does flourishing look like when we feel like we’re “losing” How joy and suffering can coexist On a personal note, this is a special interview for Kate because Miroslav was also her professor at Yale and someone she looks up to with joy and admiration.

Our most precious relationships are often our most complicated, aren’t they? Poet and bestselling author Kwame Alexander wrote an honest book of poems and essays that name the difficult and beautiful and heart-wrenching conversations we have (or should be having) with the people we love and with the ones who love us. In this conversation, Kwame and Kate discuss: How we can’t outrun our grief How our own parents love us in the ways they want to be loved, but maybe not in the ways we need—and how we find our ways back to each other The desire to share with our kids how we love, where we fail, where we tried, and who we were before we were their parent

How do we stay soft in a world that has taught us to be tough? Actress Minka Kelly is known for her roles as Lyla Garrity on Friday Night Lights or as Samantha in HBO’s Euphoria. Despite her fame on the big screen, one might not realize the chaos that surrounded her childhood. Being raised by a single mom who worked as a stripper and struggled with addiction, Minka had to learn how to take care of herself and the adults around her, and, eventually, to forgive her mom. In this tender conversation, Kate and Minka discuss: How we can be built from the outside in through our friendships and how our friends become our chosen family How anger tells us that a boundary has been crossed The unfinished ways people love us—reconciling our complicated childhoods with the love we feel for each another How Minka has processed her difficult childhood through a lens of love and grace The way Minka’s mom was changed by her cancer diagnosis, and how once they found their way to one another again, there could never, ever be enough time CW: colon cancer, death of a parent, brief mentions of abuse and neglect

Some people are the LEAN IN sort. They lean into your unsolvable problems, show up on your impossible days, and walk with you all the way to the end. How do we become them? How do we create belonging when the people we love experience such uncertainty? Practical theologian and mental health nurse John Swinton knows a thing or two about this kind of love. In this conversation, Kate and John discuss: The importance of learning to be present for people with intellectual disabilities, dementia, or in mental health crises How two places that should be known as places of belonging—the church and the hospital—have become difficult for fragile people… and how we might begin to make these institutions better A theology of hope we might all be able to sign up for (Spoiler: Hope is a long story.) How love moves at a certain speed, so we all might need to slow down a bit

Maggie Smith (poet and author of books like Keep Moving and You Could Make This Place Beautiful) chronicles the aftermath of a painful divorce she didn’t see coming. How do we raise our kids in the wake of such change? And how do we reconcile who we are and who we are becoming? In this conversation, Maggie and Kate discuss: How to support someone going through divorce The metaphor of nesting dolls as how we contain who we were before (and how our befores and afters might not be as dramatic as we thought) Speaking honestly with our children about the beauty and tragedy of the world Why tragedies are not worth the “lessons” that we might learn from them CW: divorce

What happens when the people we built our lives around stop needing us? Or when we have to pick between our meaningful careers or our family? And what do we do with the ambiguous grief that comes with every expected and unexpected change? Today, Kate takes an honest look at juggling the demands on our time and on our heart with NPR’s Mary Louise Kelly. Kate and Mary Louise discuss: Debunking the women can “have it all” paradigm and what happens when the things we love come into conflict The limitations of gratitude How our callings pull us into a wider sense of who we belong to How to savor (and mourn) all the lasts as your children grow older This may be a conversation about parenting, but I think there might be something in here for anyone who wonders: Who am I as my relationships change? Can I still find myself there?

How should you show up for people in grief? What do you say? What should you do? Why is it that beauty can exist alongside deep suffering? What can be said at funerals when the person who died was complicated? These are just a few of the questions I wanted to ask Steve Leder—a bestselling author and a rabbi who has presided over a thousand funerals with wisdom and kindness.

Historian and Canadian politician Michael Ignatieff explores the cracks in our seamless worldviews… or at least the worldviews we thought were seamless until we’re faced with tragedies of all kinds. In this wide-ranging exploration, Kate and Michael probe humanity's enduring attempt to console ourselves and construct meaning from our pain. In this conversation, Kate and Michael discuss: Why truth and trust are so important when it comes to finding meaning in our pain The difference between comfort and consolation The limits of stoicism and hyper-futurism What it means to be hopeful The importance of community through pain and suffering Michael does not denigrate anyone’s attempt for comfort, but asks us to look carefully at the consolation that lasts. He asks: What is consolation? And why do we all crave that practice of meaning-making?

Supermodel Paulina Porizkova has been in the public eye all her life. But it has been a rollercoaster of soaring successes and deep heartache. Grief and pain comes to us all, and in those moments, we need our shared humanity (and not our super-anythingness) to build a bridge back to others. In this tender conversation, Kate and Paulina discuss: How to show up to friends in unsolvable pain Why “what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger” is just plain wrong Why the assumptions we make about one another are untrue

The Reverend Tom Long wrote the book on funerals. No, really. When grief threatens to swallow us whole, Tom reminds us of our place in a bigger story of hope and faith, of interdependence and the importance of community. He describes the necessity of ritual to pull us into a wider, truer story than the trite version our culture likes to tell. In this warm conversation (trust me! You will laugh!), Kate and Tom discuss: What it means to be called into emotionally-expensive professions (jobs where you decide to really care!) The importance of truth-telling at a funeral Seeing people through the prism of God’s love for them (more specifically—through the lens of their baptism) Why people die at all and what happens with all the love we have for one another (hint: it’s never, ever, ever lost) The importance of the rituals we create to walk people through death and dying No one likes to talk about funerals, but this one is a must-listen.

Over thirty years ago, Elaine Pagels’ young son and husband died within the same year. In this tender conversation, Kate and Elaine discuss surviving the aftermath of such devastation, the painful explanations religion often offers, and how we love and keep loving even after so much tragedy. Together, they discuss: · The need for connection to others during grief · Religion’s often painful and punitive explanations for suffering (and why they aren’t helpful or complete) · Why parents often feel like they’ve “failed” when a child dies · How suffering pulls us closer to mystery This episode is for someone who has ever had the thought “haven’t I suffered enough?” Elaine and Kate are trusted companions in a life that hasn’t turned out like we thought it should. CW: death of a child, death of a spouse

Every problem New York Times columnist Frank Bruni faced had a simple fix. Doctors offered reasonable solutions for reasonable problems. Preventative care guaranteed future health. That is, until he woke up one morning without vision in his eye. This experience forced him to rethink how much of life is in our control and how to live fully in the face of unfixable problems. In this conversation, Kate and Frank discuss letting go of the idea that life is a series of choices and learning that there are things we can’t fix, how the lacquered lives we see on social media deny us the fuller picture of each other’s problems, importance of finding the things that light up our lives and taking the hard stuff bird by bird, vine by vine.

Beth Moore has been in the limelight for almost thirty years, but during that time, she revealed very little about her formative family history. Now, this world-famous Bible teacher is ready to tell her story for the first time. In this episode, Kate and Beth discuss: How Beth’s faith offered stability during a very unpredictable and unstable childhood, the complicated grief that occurs when family members cause deep, unforgivable harm, what it means to be fully known (and why that feels better than anything else), Beth’s long-faithfulness despite experiencing rejection, pain, and hurt from her faith community. This was Beth’s first interview about her new memoir, and Kate felt so honored to get to ask this wise soul about the role of faith in lives that haven’t worked out like we thought they should. CW: sexual abuse, mental illness

Welcome to SEASON TEN of the Everything Happens Podcast! We have so many great episodes coming to you for SEASON TEN. We're going to be talking to tender and wise and funny people about what they've discovered during their before and afters. People like Beth Moore on long faithfulness when life really doesn't work out the way you thought it did. Mary Louise Kelly on empty-nesting and rediscovering yourself after the kids leave. Rabbi Steve Leder on how tragedies teach us and how we can just see beauty somehow. Plus SO MANY MORE. This episode also includes a conversation between Kate and her producer, Jessica Richie about their new book of Blessings.

As we approach the New Year, we might need a minute to look backward. What even happened this year? Who was I? What went well? What didn't? Before we start making those New Year’s Resolutions, maybe we could have a second of honesty together. This week is about celebrating the fact that alongside some of our painful, horrifying moments, we did experience moments of levity and joy and pure delight. In our personal lives, in our inner circle, during our 9-5s, and one real Zinger bonus round that really takes the cake. In this bonus crossover episode, Kate and Kelly Corrigan discuss: Their own personal happies, including the joy of birthdays as a reset button How being reabsorbed into other people’s stories and problems makes us feel less alone The satisfaction that comes from totally immersing yourself in learning, what Kelly refers to as intellectual humility

This time of year can be rough. Somehow we are supposed to wrap it up or feel complete, but, more often than not, we can look back at a year that, well, sucked. Rather than just showing you the shiny parts of life, today is your permission to Cheers to The Crappies. Kelly Corrigan (of Kelly Corrigan Wonders and Tell Me More) and I are exchanging our crappiest moments: in our personal lives, in our inner circle, during our 9-5, and one real Zinger bonus round that takes the cake. In this bonus crossover episode, Kate and Kelly discuss: Their own personal crappy lows of the year—like managing chronic pain, endless parental worries, and walking with a friend through divorce Kate’s strong policy against gratitude as a shellac to suffering Why talking about pain can be so tricky and sometimes it can’t be fixed by love alone This episode is for if you aren’t feel warm and fuzzy about this past year and you want a minute to say: Wow. That really didn’t go well. This isn’t getting better. I’m really disappointed or heartbroken or hurt… still. So here’s to a moment of very crappy honesty, my dears. You, in all your problems and hopes and unmet expectations are worth listening to.

The indomitable Liz Gilbert (of EAT, PRAY, LOVE fame) joins Kate for a live conversation on the courage to create. Listen as Liz helps us expose our exhausting American need to make everything useful and lets us embrace beauty as a way of really living. In this episode, Kate and Liz discuss: Why we stop ourselves from being creative How we are all capable of making anything (badly! medium-well!) But how our creativity is best if it is for no reason whatsoever (not for impact or legacy or money or acknowledgement) How curiosity quiets fear and control

Bryan Stevenson (founder of the Equal Justice Initiative) is committed to ending mass incarceration and excessive punishment, to challenging racial and economic injustice, and to protecting basic human rights for the most vulnerable among us. In this episode, Kate and Bryan discuss: The hope that motivates Bryan in this slow, sometimes frustrating work of justice What it means to be a ‘stonecatcher’ (and why it serves both the one being condemned and the one doing the condemning) The power of forgiveness, maybe especially toward those who don’t deserve it CW: discussion of slavery, lynching, and other racist violence, death row

We are going to practice the season of Advent together. Download a free Advent guide, here. At the end of today's episode, we asked you what your traditions were for remembering the people who we've lost. Share yours on my Instagram or Facebook account. Whether it is the 1st or 4th or 22nd year without someone you love, the holidays can be especially difficult. We need practical ways to bring their memory into our special days. Making family recipes. Playing their favorite song. Putting their ornaments on the tree. Traditions that keep their love alive year after year after year. What traditions does your family practice to honor and remember your loved one each year? Share yours on Instagram or Facebook. Thank you for sharing your heartbreak and hope with us all. Bless you as you navigate another year dear one. You aren't doing it alone.

Fred Penner is a Canadian sensation whose television show and hit songs like “The Cat Came Back” was part of so many of our childhoods. But what few of us knew was how much he understood the pain of growing up. He lost his alcoholic father and his 12-year-old sister in the same year. He turned to music. And his gentle wisdom and songs have invited us—children and adults alike—to stay curious and kind in a hard world.

Today, I have a very special BONUS episode for you all. Glennon Doyle, author of Untamed, watched in awe as this simple phrase from Untamed – WE CAN DO HARD THINGS – the mantra that saved her life twenty years ago, became a worldwide rally cry. Life is freaking hard. We are all doing hard things every day – we love and lose; we forge and end friendships; battle addiction, illness, and loneliness; care for children and parents; struggle in our jobs, our marriages, our divorces; we try to set and hold boundaries – and we fight for equality, purpose, joy, and peace right in the midst of all the hard. On We Can Do Hard Things, Glennon, her wife Abby Wambach, and her sister Amanda Doyle, do the only thing that has ever made life easier: They talk honestly about the hard. They laugh and cry and help each other carry the hard so we can all live a little bit lighter and braver, free-er, less alone. And they asked me to join them in conversation on We Can Do Hard Things about navigating illness and other hard things that this community knows how to dig into with such courage. I can't wait for you all to listen.

Julia Samuel is a psychologist in the UK who specializes in working with families who have experienced complicated stories of loss and love. So often we can feel overwhelmed by our histories – our family histories – and need a boost to confront dysfunction, speak the truth, and find trusted people to help us look back and look forward. In this episode, Kate and Julia discuss: What to do when we’ve inherited the pain of our parents or grandparents and when our own problems might be the pain we pass down How we navigate generational divides especially around how we express our feelings How to not pass down inherited trauma by understanding our bigger family webs This conversation also is a much-needed reminder that you in all your actual problems and actual pain are far better than any idealized version of you. And maybe that is the exact honesty that might offer us and our families the freedom we long for. CW: mention of suicide, some spicy adult language :)

How do we gather in meaningful ways? After the pandemic took apart so many of our favorite ways of hanging out, we might be out of practice. Or too tired or overwhelmed. Priya Parker is an expert facilitator who encourages us all to practice being together for different reasons. And they don’t have to be nearly as fancy or predictable as we might think… In this episode, Kate and Priya discuss: How do we show up for other people and ourselves in creative ways How to know when a change might be needed in a regular gathering Risk and the awkwardness of needing people

Jay and Katherine Wolf were 26 years old, newly married, and brand new parents when Katherine survived a brain stem stroke that upended their lives. That was fifteen years ago. Today, they continue to live with the enduringness of recovery, caregiving, and care-receiving, all while trying to maintain hope. Theirs is a story of commitment and love in the face of tremendous odds. In this episode, Kate, Jay, and Katherine discuss: Why, in the face of impossible circumstances, sometimes the best we can do is to learn to love what must be done How to talk to your kids about the difficulties they might face The different experiences of being a caregiver and care-receiver over the long haul The story of hope and love that Jay and Katherine live into Why you are worth caring for—no matter how broken your body or mind or heart is I felt so grateful to speak with them fifteen years after the original crisis. This tender conversation offers a wide view of their story of hard-won hope. P.S. If you are someone for whom people didn’t stick around after your crisis, we see you. We love you. I hope you will hear Katherine’s words: “You are worth it.” CW: stroke survivor